Fight For This Love
by Pixie-Cullen-Hale
Summary: He left as her Hero... He returned as a National Hero... He fought for what he believed in... She fought for what she loved...
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Notes:**

**PT: Hey y'all.... *waves* We're better known as Pixie-Tinks83 and xMissCullenx but we were talking on MSN and the plot bunnies kicked in.... so here we are....**

**MC: Been on an emotional yet exciting rollercoaster writing this!**

**PT: but we hope you love it....**

**MC: I write Alice and she *points to PT* writes Jas...**

**PT: Catch ya at the bottom *runs away***

**MC: Wait up.... *runs away too***

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**DISCLAIMER: All recognised characters are owned by the very talented Mrs Meyer, we do however own the plot bunnies.**

**PLAYLIST: Hana Pestle - Need**

**APOV**

It had been six long and lonely months; six months of feeling as if part of me was missing. And, in truth it was. Emmett might not be my husband of fifty years or the man I'd promised to marry, nor was I carrying his baby, but he was and always would be my big brother. Growing up we'd only really had each other to rely on, which had always made us close. We were always there for each other.

Emmett and I had both been brought up in a foster home. Not that it was a bad place. We'd always been looked after and cared for, but it just wasn't the same as having real parents who loved you unconditionally. The place was run by Carlisle and Esme Cullen, a couple who realized they couldn't have children when they'd first married, and had devoted their lives to children with the likes of Emmett and I.

I was four when I moved into the foster home, I'd been handed around so many families during my little life and it was getting to me, so social services had decided that it would be best for me if I was in place, where they could keep an eye on me.

My parents had died when I was just two years old. It was on the day that we were driving home from the hospital, bringing my mother and newborn baby sister home. A truck had crashed into the side of our car on the freeway and had spun out of control and had gone down a banking. Apparently the only reason why I'd survived was that I was just on the right side of the car at the time, and was lucky to get out with only mild issues, unfortunately the same couldn't be said for my parents and sister, and so I was left alone.

At first I was sent to live with the only relative who lived in Biloxi with us, my mother's great aunt, but after a few months she had to hand me over, not being able to cope with an excitable little toddler at her age. And, so, it was then that the process of me being passed around like a game of 'pass the Alice.' And yet, though Esme had always described me as excitable little thing, she always added that it was the one of the things she likes the most about me, I always seemed to have a smile for everyone. But, I wasn't always a bundle of smiles and bright eyes. In truth I was somewhat troubled, during the night after I'd fallen asleep, it was like I was a different person, I turned into a frightened little girl that no-one seemed to be able to control. Every time I fell asleep I had nightmares of the crash. One family who had too much cash to flash had taken me to see a shrink, who only managed to tell them that I'd been affected by the event and that I'd most probably grow out of it. At that age it couldn't have remembered much but I knew it was scary and it was the incident that changed my life and had me passed around.

Emmett had already been living at the foster home for a few years, and was seven when I went there. Since my parents had died, I'd always had substitutes in my foster parents who tried their best, but I was never in a family with more than just me, so, when I arrived at the children's home it was a bit of a culture shock. It was new to me to have so many children around, and I didn't quite understand. I kept asking Carlisle and Esme who my next mommy and daddy would be, and though they told me that that's who they'd try to be, I still didn't quite get it.

On my first night, after I'd been tucked into my brand new bed, I had the same nightmare, bringing me out of my sleep state and not even the pretty little fairies decorated on the lemon walls were an assurance. Not sure of what to do, and not wanting to stay in the room that brought my nightmares back to me, I crept downstairs and went to sit in the living room, only to realize I wasn't alone.

"You okay?" Someone had asked me, causing me to jump. "Sorry didn't mean to scare you." he'd added as he stepped out of the shadows and flicked on the light. "I'm Emmett." He said, holding his hand out to me. Instead of taking it and shaking his hand, I'd fallen into him, flinging my arms around his waist and cried my little eyes out. But what I learnt that I loved about him from that moment was that he didn't jump that a stranger had practically attacked him, or flinch that a 'icky girl' had touched him, no, instead, he'd wrapped his arms around me and sat me down with him on the sofa.

That night I fell asleep curled up in his lap, with him stroking my hair as I was falling asleep and me practically purring with his gentle and comforting touch. He'd named me his little Ali-Cat that and I'd named his Emmy-Bear as his big form held me and kept me warm and safe against my inner-demons. And from that night on we had practically been inseparable.

When Emmett turned eighteen and left the home I was so worried I'd lose him. He'd obviously left three years before, but to both of our likings he didn't go far. He'd gone to the closest college, which was only twenty minutes from the home. He picked me after high school every day and we'd spend the evenings together, then at the end of the night, he'd drive me back to the home and he'd head back to campus.

Over the past I'd been teased by lots of people that I was really only holding out on my true feelings for Emmett, and that I just couldn't bring myself to admit how I felt about him, or that I didn't want to ruin my friendship with him. I definitely loved him but my feelings were strictly platonic; he was my brother and no matter what, I knew that's how I'd always see him. Even when all my friends had found themselves blushing or sighing contently at the sight of him, I just couldn't think of him like that. I knew he was good looking, at 6'4" he towered over most; he had a natural muscular build though he'd worked hard at his body and even I could say he was seriously ripped. That along with deep blue eyes that always seemed to be lit up, the warmest of smiles and dimples to die for; I knew what everyone thought and yet to me it was still only in an appreciative way towards his looks, nothing more.

So, here I was curled up in his bed, once more - as I seemed to be doing more and more the longer he was gone. My new best friend, my box of tissues, sat within reach, with the waste-bin overflowing with the amount of the used things.

I tried to draw in a deep breath to ease the sobs that were wracking my frame, but I was sobbing too much for that to really work. It had been exactly six months today since I'd said goodbye to him. On the way to the airport I was completely silent. I sat with my body facing Emmett hugging my knees, so I could have my eyes on him for as long as possible.

"You know, Ali, I'm not gonna change much while I'm away." He'd joked and had patted my knee before turning his attention back to the road as the stop signal turned back to green. When he pulled up in the parking lot, I didn't move. Neither of us did. We both just sat there in silence, starting up at the building looming in front of us as if it was going to swallow us up. Then twenty minutes later, Emmett huffed and got out, getting his bags from the trunk before he came around to my side. He opened the door and bent down just staring at me.

"Come on." He'd said encouragingly as he held his hand out for me. "I'm not going anywhere yet, I just have to check my bag in." He'd said, the truth of his words showing in his eyes, so I'd taken his hand. He'd tucked me under his arm, carrying his bags with the other with ease and walked us into the building I'd come to fear.

As he'd said, Emmett only checked his bag in and then dragged me over to the café, though I'd made sure he had a huge full fry up this morning. Emmett had announced he needed something sweet and insisted on getting me a hot chocolate and a muffin, though I barely touched either.

"You better not go starving yaself, Ali, I do not want to come home to an anorexic sister, I mean it's not as if you have any meat on you anyway." He'd joked, but I didn't crack a smile as he'd intended.

"Aw, come on Pixie, where's the smile I love the most?" He asked trying to coax me into it, I shrugged and my eyes dropped back to my untouched muffin. I then let out a squeak of surprise as Emmett's fingers came down on me and he tickled me exactly as he knew would get the best reaction. "There it is." He chuckled as I just struggled and squealed until tears were running down my cheeks and my stomach hurt. He gave me one last poke and then nudged my hot chocolate closer to me as he took my muffin and scoffed it himself.

"Schkwd muffing" he'd said with his mouth full and a waterfall of crumbs landed in his lap and on the table making me snort my hot chocolate and get that all over myself and Emmett started to guffaw.

"You know drinking it's good too, Ali." He managed in between his booms of laughter that had the table shaking as he clapped me on the back as I coughed, spluttered and laughed. "God, I'm gonna miss this." He said shaking his head as he brushed the crumbs off of himself and handed me some napkins to clean myself up, but I just shrugged off my cardigan.

My laughter stopped immediately and the tears that had been from laughing so hard, continued to flow but this time with a different reason behind them. Emmett grimaced and edged his chair next to mine and smiled weakly at me.

Then I stiffened as the overhead speaker announced his boarding gate had opened. He stood up pulling me with him.

"Come on let's head over." He said tugging at me as I tried to unsuccessfully root my feet in place. I began to shake a little as the gate came into sight but instead of heading there, he pulled me down on the set of chairs nearest to it.

"I'm not going anywhere until they do last call. He said tucking me into his side and rested his head on top of mine. "I promised I wouldn't leave until I had to, Ali." We sat like that cuddled as close as possible, he started stroking my hair and made soothing shushing noises as my silent tears turned into sobs that made me shake even more. "My Ali-Cat not purring today?" He asked tilting my chin to look at him as he uselessly wiped my eyes. I looked back up at him with puffy eyes and shook my head.

"Not today, Em." I whispered.

"No, Emmy-Bear?"

"Not today." I managed.

"Well...How about just a bear then?" He said as he leant down, keeping a firm hold of me and then pulled something from his bag. I smiled and sobbed at the same time as he handed it to me. It was a bear from the bear factory, he was wearing his own little army uniform along with the boots and hat, and even a little rucksack with a key ring attached to it holding a picture of Emmett and me.

"It's so whenever you feel like you need a bear hug; you have a substitute." He grinned and I gave him a sad one in return.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"Anything for my lil' sis." He nodded and then pulled me back into him as he sat back. "Oh, and whenever you miss having my noisy ass around just give him a squeeze and it'll say the only thing you need to think about." I looked up at him for a moment, but he motioned at the bear, so I squeezed his middle, and then began a new wave of tears at his voice "_I love you, Ali –Cat."_

"Love you, too, Emmy Bear." I managed to choke out.

We spent the next few minutes whispering sweet nothings to each other and Emmett trying in vain to lighten the situation, waiting like lambs to the slaughter for that dreaded moment. And when it came; as the voice overhead announced last call for his flight, I swear my heart skipped a beat. He gave me a tight squeeze and then got up.

I'd tried to hold onto him, hoping to stop him from being able to walk away. But with a last solemn goodbye with a tear and a kiss to my forehead he'd pried me from him and had walked off with his carry –on bag thrown over his shoulder.

I'd stood there like an ant on the sidewalk as the world carried on around me, just watching his form - dressed in his army uniform - disappear into the crowds as I hugged the bear tightly to my chest, my nose buried in the soft fur holding onto the last bit of him as best I could. Even after I couldn't see him anymore I just stood there, hoping that he'd maybe change his mind at the last minute and come running back to me.

Unfortunately, that never happened.

I stood long after his plane had taken off and that boarding gate had been closed off and was empty of even the airport workers. It was only as a toddler tripped over right in front of me that I was brought out of my haze. I bent over and set her back on her feet, giving her a gentle smile as she showed her little pearly white teeth completely unfazed by her little fall - as most toddlers could be, being so used to falling over all the time. Within seconds a woman came over and smiled me as she took her daughter's little hand, her other holding the base of her stomach, being heavily pregnant.

"Thank you, she's always ending up on the floor these days." She'd said appreciatively as she smiled down at her daughter, who was eyeing the bear hopefully, and although I'd usually feel mean, I kept it firmly with me, not caring how childish or selfish I looked at that moment.

"No problem." I'd replied as I looked back down at the blond toddler, noticing something. "It was probably her shoelace." I said, pointing at her pink Hannah Montana sneakers, having noticed one of them was undone.

"Oh, yes." The mother said, looking down. "Gosh what are we going to do without, Daddy to do things like that, while mommy's pregnant, huh, Emily." She said with a sigh as she went to try and bend down.

"I'll do it," I said and she gave me a very appreciative smile as I bent over and tied the shoelace.

"Thanks, I honestly don't know how I'm going to manage with my husband gone and she hasn't even realized he's not coming back soon." She said solemnly, looking longingly at the same terminal I'd been staring at for the past few hours or so and then at her daughter.

"Oh, was your husband going to fight, too?" I asked and then bit my lip both at the thought of Emmett having to fight and my apparent brain filter being turned off.

"Yes." She answered. "He's been in the army for years, but this is the first time he's gone since we found out I was having Emily." She said motioning to the toddler who was now swinging their arms between them, and looked up at the mention of her name. "And now Sam is due in less than a month." She added patting her stomach, blinking away a tear. I nodded understandingly handing her a tissue from one of the many packs I had with me, as I tried to let my own tears return.

"Well, I'd better be getting home and giving this little one her supper. Thanks again." She said.

"No problem, take care." I said as she walked off with Emily skipping next to her. I sighed deeply, once again my eyes turning to the boarding gate, but though I already missed Em and knew I'd most surely hate the next year or so and miss him with all my heart, I'd realized - probably for the first time - that I wasn't the only one to be going through this. That lady and her daughter had shown me that. No matter how alone I'd feel or how much I'd miss him, whether it was a comforting thought or not, I wouldn't be the only one feeling like that.

And that was the first night that I'd cried myself to sleep, and though I wanted him there with me, I knew no matter how much I longed for it, my Emmy-Bear could not be there to hold me and stroke my hair and lull me off to sleep with his comforting presence.

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**MC: Thanks for reading... we hoped you likey....**

**PT: Jas has a little something to say next time round... (probably Friday - though we'll be posting weekly)**

**MC: Reviews are better than bears from Emmett (even though we all want a real one)**

**PT: *pouts* I want a bear from Emmett**

**MC: *giggles* Well leave a review then *pokes out tongue*.... Catch you soon... *waves***

**PT: Byeeeeee *skips off***


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

**PT: Hey y'all *waves***

**MC: Thanks to the people that reviewed the last chapter... you guys rock our world.**

**PT: Yep, thats right... thanks you. There's a song to listen to with this chapter, please listen as you read.**

**MC: See ya at the bottom...**

**DISCLAIMER: We don't own any of the recognisable characters, they belong to Stephenie, we do own the plot bunnies though.**

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**PLAYLIST: Mothers Pride - George Michael.**

**JPOV**

When you're a kid and you're asked what you wanna be when you grow up, very few people actually follow through with that dream. I am, however, one of those kids. Whenever I was asked what I wanted to be when I was older I'd always end up with the same answer. It didn't change over the years, I was sure. "I wanna be a soldier!" I'd yell, pulling my hand up into a salute for anyone that gave me the time of day to actually listen to what I was saying when asked.

I wanted to be like my father, God bless his soul. My Pops died a hero, fighting for his Country. He'd been deployed to Afghanistan soon after the 9/11 attacks and he never made it back. He died trying to save children caught up in crossfire. Ma told me that he turned his back to the enemy to usher the children into safety and they took their opportunity. He never stood a chance.

The spine chilling scream and sob that left my mothers' lips when the Sergeant arrived dressed in uniform at our door will haunt me for the rest of my life. Watching my mother crumple to the floor screaming was the most traumatic experience in the world. At 11 years of age you don't expect to see shit like that. It made me grow up very quickly. She told me I was now the man of the house and that we'd cope and make Pops proud.

Dressed in my best clothes we stood at the side of the freshly dug grave, waiting for them to arrive. Watching them carry his coffin, covered in the stars and stripes, broke my heart. They folded the flag and handed it to Ma, before lowering him into the ground. My vision blurred as the tears rolled in heavy rivers down my cheeks. I realised I'd never get to say I love you again, so I said it over and over as they lowered him down. The lone bugler played the tune that will stay with me until my dying day as people took their handful of earth and scattered it on the lacquered wood below.

There was only one thing that I had to remind me of my father, the dented nickel dog tags that had been retrieved on the discovery of his corpse. They hung around my neck, my most treasured possession, the constant reminder that my father was indeed the most wonderful, brave man in the world. I would forever be proud of him. I'd always look up to him. He was on a pedestal that could never fall.

They stayed there, hanging loosely against my skin, until the day I got my own. I gave his back to Ma and replaced them with the cold metal ball chain and two pieces of freshly engraved nickel; clearly and proudly displaying my own name.

It was time to make my father as proud of me, as I was him. Nine weeks of basic training followed by my Advanced Individualized Training. It was hard work but it mentally prepared me for what was to come. Without wanting to sound like a girl, I was more traumatized by having to shave off my hair than I was having the drill sergeant up in my face, covering me in his saliva as he yelled instructions at me. As the blond curls fell to the floor, I knew it was my time. I'd be the best soldier I could. I was not only fighting for my country; I was fighting for my father and all the other fallen soldiers war had cruelly taken.

*****

Ma had insisted that we drive to the barracks together, apparently she hadn't done it with Pops and she said she'd always regret never getting to say goodbye properly. I blamed myself for that, if I hadn't of been around she'd of been there, saying goodbye and getting her proper send off. She always clipped me behind the ear when I apologized about it. She said she'd have had nothing to live for had she not of had me; that kinda just made it all the worse that I was walking off into the sunset, doing exactly the same as what he'd done to her. It was an internal battle that I fought every day, and in a way it was the hardest decision I'd ever had to make, honor my father or protect my mother.

We arrived; I gave my name and dropped my bags off. Ma stood quietly outside, waiting for me to come back. I watched as the girlfriends and wives of the other soldiers kissed and cried their goodbyes to their loved ones. In that moment I was glad that I didn't have a girlfriend; I doubt I'd of been able to have said goodbye, in fear of not returning. Knowing what Ma had to go through, I'm not sure I could do that to someone I loved.

As that thought went through my mind it dawned on me I was actually doing that, I was willing to put my mother through the exact same thing she'd coped with just ten years ago.

"Stop questioning your decision JC, Pops would be proud of you, just like I am. You're coming home; don't ever doubt that you're not."

"Thanks Ma, I just feel bad for leaving you on your own."

"Jasper Charles, I'm big enough and old enough to take care of myself. Y'all better man up before they have your balls for breakfast." She laughed.

"Ma, I don't want you talking about my balls thanks." I laughed; glad that she was breaking the tension in the air that was so thick you could have cut it with a knife.

She pulled me close and I felt my shirt grow damp, I held her tighter than I had in a very long time and let her squeeze me when she was ready to let go.

"I love you Jasper, go make him proud."

I smiled, kissed her cheek and squeezed her hand in mind. "I love you too Ma, I'll be home before you know it."

She nodded and turned back towards the car. I waited as she got in, started the engine and drove away into the distance, only then did I look down into my hand where she's pressed a small brown paper wrapped packet. I ripped the paper through tear filled eyes and saw a small silver colored oval shaped locket next to Pops' dog tag. Carefully prising open the two halves I saw a picture of each of my parents. The wet drops rolled down my face as I closed my hand around it, the chain dangling free through my fingers.

Shutting my eyes, I did something I hadn't done in years.

I prayed that my mother be kept safe from harm whilst I was away.

*****

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**PT: Thanks for reading...**

**MC: Reviews are better than lockets from Ma Whitlock...**

**PT: *giggles* See ya soon... *points to MC* she's got an awesome chapter for you on Wednesday....**

**MC: *blushes* shhhhh**

**PT: Nopes it true.... catch y'all soon... Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *waves***

**MC: *waves* seeeeee ya xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N **

**MS: Hey everyone! *smiles* **

**PT: So, we're here with another instalment for ya.**

**MC: *nods* Yup, Alice is back for another chapter. **

**PT: To all our wonderful reviewers and anyone who put us on alert, you bring big smiles to our faces, so thank you!**

**MC: There are a few songs that go well with the chapter, so go have a listen. Hope you enjoy and see you at the bottom.**

**DISCLAIMER: ****We don't own any of the recognisable characters, they belong to the talented Stephenie Meyer. However, you know those excitable little plot bunnies that tend to run around your head, yeah well, we do own them.**

**Songs to listen to;**

**Knock Knock – Lenka (Alice and Emmett)**

**Rain – Mika (Metaphor for Alice's feelings)**

**APOV**

"Miss Brandon?" My teacher snapped at me, bringing me out of my sullen daydream. I looked up to see Mr. Banner standing next me, not looking very impressed. "Is Mitosis really that uninteresting to you?" He asked as he tapped his fingers on my desk impatiently.

"Erm...no, sorry, Mr Banner. Can I be excused please, I don't feel well?" He sighed but then waved his hand as he walked off. I gathered my things and got outta there before he found another reason to be pissed at me; just as he'd done many times over the past few months. I ignored the look of another teacher in the hall as I ran straight past her to my locker, wrenching it open only to wish I hadn't bothered.

Emmett's eyes smiled up at me from the picture of us both I had on the door. I sighed, slamming the locker shut, wondering why I'd even bothered going to get my coat, it's not as it rained often or was cold; it was Florida for God's sake. I briskly walked out of the building and took a detour into the woods, deciding that I needed to clear my head and then come back for my car before I was ready to go home.

I stuffed my coat into my bag and took my I-pod from my pocket, hoping I could drown my solemn thoughts with music. But, as I turned it on and set it to shuffle I immediately turned it back off again and threw it in my bag as one of Emmett's favourite song started playing. It seemed as if every little thing related in some way, and it was truly getting to me.

During the time leading up to Emmett leaving, I'd always imagined that the first week or so would be the hardest. Silly, of me really considering he'd been away for a week or two before whilst he was doing his training. But this was different. Completely different. While he was training I knew that the chances of him getting seriously injured were low, or at least that's how I thought of it. But, this time, no matter how many times I tried to fool my mind into thinking that's what he was doing this time round as well; going out with all the guys at the weekends, making new friends and probably getting on the officers' nerves with his sense of humour. But, no, this time it was real. He was out there doing and witnessing things I couldn't even fathom thinking about, it made me shiver whenever I even thought of it.

I didn't want to have to think of things like that. I didn't want to think of what he was seeing, feeling, least of all doing, I didn't want any of it. I just wanted to have my Brother-Bear wrap me up in his arms and hold me tight, so that I could just feel that he was real and that he okay, unharmed and safe with me. I sighed as I sat under an oak tree and finally let the over-due tears fall.

It was times like these that I just wanted to curl in on myself and shut the whole world and it's going-ons out. I'd felt as if I wanted to protect myself from my own life. But, then, I'd think of Emmett, how I'd promised to stay strong to look after myself, to keep living my life. He told me that would be what he would use as a life-line while he was away; what he would cling to; knowing that he'd always have me to come home to, that I'd be waiting for him. That was the one thing, I could always give him, I'd be waited, but I could no longer guarantee even to myself that I'd be able to stay strong and bottle up my feelings as I'd been trying so desperately to do unsuccessfully for the past week or so.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't like this every day. It was just 'one of those days'; a day when all my emotions seemed to flood in at once and every little thing triggered a certain memory or thought. At least, I'd learnt that my life was still going on; I still had friends that wanted to spend time with me, I still had my job that kept my mind busy and I still had my school work to focus on.

"Now remember, Ali, just 'cause your big bro won't be here doesn't mean you can flunk school, I want to still see all those A's and B's when I get back, or I'll just have to kick your ass." Emmett had said, tapping me on the nose and then hugging me to him for a moment before he'd complained that his stomach would surely start digesting itself if he didn't get some food in him, pronto.

The thought of his wonderful personality made me giggle through my tears. And despite me trying my very best to imagine Emmett being here with me right now, joking how much of a cry baby I was being, or how he'd then follow it by enveloping me with everything that was him and calm me down so easily, it wasn't working. Instead of feeling me leaning against his always warm and welcoming self, it was a cold and unresponsive tree. Instead of me hearing him crack jokes in an effort try at making me smile, I could hear a bird chirping somewhere, it's song holding nothing for me. And, instead of me smelling his familiar scent that said family for me, I could smell the resin and wild flowers around me. Just like my mind, my senses would not be fooled.

Today had just sucked in general but there was a reason why I'd first started thinking about everything. He was always on my mind and I was always getting little reminders, but today was different. When I'd shuffled to get the post this morning I'd spilt my orange juice when I'd seen an envelope holding the official army stamp. I don't why it seemed so different this morning, It had taken me a good few minutes to even take another step, my breathing was almost desperate and I was shaking like a leaf.

When my breathing began to even out some, I reluctantly picked the letter up and held it to me. Usually I was like a kid on Christmas morning when I received one from Emmett, I'd squeal like an idiot and skip around the apartment a few times before I'd snuggle up in his bed, rip it open, being careful not to rip the actual letter of course. Then my eyes would be whizzing back and forth over the pages, laughing at some spelling mistakes and at some of Emmett's jokes. Smiling as his addictive personality seemed to show even in his words. Smirking about him being 'out on the town' with the guys and meeting some 'hotties and honeys.' Crying as he told me a bit about what was going on. Most of all, as the tears cascading down my cheeks, whenever I read his last few lines; _I'll always love you, lil' sis, and I can't wait to be back and have a cuddle with you (hearing you purr as I stroke your hair) watching an old re-run of Friends (Saying all the jokes as they do and laughing until our stomachs hurt) with a take-out (God, how I'd love a Chinese right now!) Take care of yourself Ali-Cat; love your Emmy-Bear xxx_

When I was done reading, I'd usually hold the letter to me for a while, imagining him saying what he'd just told me. Then I'd read and re-read the letter until I had his words etched on my mind as well as the paper. Then when I'd exhausted myself too much and my eyes hurt, I'd kiss it and put it in my special box along with all his other letters, and hide it safely. I'd cuddle up in Emmett's bed wondering what to write back to him, when really I never needed to think about it. For, as the morning came and I set to writing it, because things were so easy and comfortable between Emmett and I, writing to him came as natural as talking, and I'd usually end write a few pages before even realizing it.

I glanced at my watch, and wondered how I'd managed to lose almost two hours. So, I touched up my make-up, getting rid of the hints of my mini-breakdown; knowing that with my luck today, I'd probably run into someone in the few minutes it would take me to reach my car. When I got into the apartment I decided to order in a pizza not being bothered to cook. I rummaged through the drawer of the coffee table in search of the right menu amongst many others. Having found it I flicked through, decided on what I wanted, and then flicked it over to look for the phone number. I smiled to myself as I saw Emmett's messy handwriting scrawled at the bottom.

_Order in sis, be home at 6 x_

As soon as I'd finished my pizza, I got changed into my work clothes and walked the ten minutes to work; I was a waitress at a local restaurant. It was owned by Billy Black; a well known friendly-to-all kinda guy. He and his family moved to Jacksonville when his wife died in a tragic car accident around ten years ago. His daughters; Rachel and Rebecca – who I knew had both had at least a fling with Emmett at some point, if not more – and his son; Jacob – who I'd been in a relationship for a few weeks, but we'd decided to call it off for lack of 'that spark' – helped him run the restaurant. The restaurant was called La Push; it wasn't the biggest of places but it was popular and was constantly bringing in new business as well as our trusty locals. The restaurant was named after the reservation where the Black family used to live somewhere up in Washington State.

"Heya." Jake smiled as he tried to ruffle my hair, but I ducked and stuck my tongue out at him. "You're getting better." He said settling for a clap on the back instead, which felt more like being hit by a bus to me, because of our size difference. "So, how's your day been, Shorty?" He asked as he leant against the door while I hung my coat and bag up in the small staff room.

"Still sticking with, Shorty, then?"

"Until you grow some." he nodded and then smirked at my scowl. "Well, come on, you're what seventeen and you're like three foot?"

"Okay, that right there has you headed for a slap. A. Three foot? Give me some credit, it's more like five foot, thank you very much; just because everyone looks like a dwarf next to you. And B. I'm eighteen."

"Ooh, a little touchy today are we?" He joked. "What, bad time of the month?"

I rolled my eyes and walked past him into the restaurant, and behind the bar to get the glasses to start setting the tables. Jake, of course followed me like the lost puppy he is.

"You lost, honey?" I asked him, petting his arm, I would have gone for his head had I been able to reach that high. "Why don't you just go home taking your little wagging tail behind you, pup?"

"I'm more like a wolf, thank you." He said, sticking his chest out in a show of...masculinity?

"Pfft, well anyway if you're going to be annoying me could you at least give me a hand?"

"Sure, I could give you a hand opening a few of those buttons." He said motioning to my shirt.

"Dream on, wolf boy." I chuckled, heading to a table and setting the cutlery and glasses out.

"Believe me, I can. You know, though I knew we didn't work out, I still think it's unfair that you got to me naked and I never saw you in less than your undies." He pouted.

"Jake, I'd hardly call it naked, and anyway, everyone's seen you top-less."

"True." Billy said as he came around the corner. "He pestering you again, Alice?"He asked, with a knowing look.

"No more than usual." I answered and then laughed as Jake pretended I'd wounded his heart.

"Yeah well, how about you go and sort the new delivery boxes out back, son, and let Alice do her work, before we open."

"Sure, sure, spoil all the fun old man." Jake muttered under his breath and then dodged Billy as he tried to hit him with his wheelchair on the way past.

Billy's' legs were paralyzed in the same accident that he lost his wife in, and he'd been in a wheelchair since, though there was no way he'd let in hinder him in any way, it just made him Billy.

"Evening Alice, thank God it's Friday right " Rachel said as she walked in, pulling her long raven hair into a messy ponytail, giving me and then Billy a kiss on the cheek before she went to change into her uniform.

Within half an hour of opening the place we were starting to get busy and the tables were filling up. I was so glad when Rebecca and Jessica turned up, though Jessica was probably the worst colleague imaginable, but she did get us some good tips...somehow.

"Good evening. Are you ready to order?" I asked a couple who'd come here with their children.

"Yes, thank you." The man said politely.

"No, hang on, what do we get for the kids?" The woman asked who I presumed was her husband.

"Honey, they're asleep, we can get them something if they wake up or if not I'll do them something at home."

"That was the point of coming out, I'm fed up of all the dishes..."

As the couple got into a little debate, I turned my attention to the two sleeping children sitting opposite them. I smiled sadly, being reminded of mine and Emmett's foster home nights. The boy had his head lolled on his little girl's head as she cuddled into him as they both slept soundly. I looked back up at the couple to see them both smiling fondly at me.

"The beauty of kids, huh?" The man said to me. I nodded and then got my notepad and pen out as I took their orders.

By nine the place was already starting to slow down and I was sat at the bar drinking my coke as I gazed over my notes for the Stats test I was having on Monday.

"Alice?" Billy asked, pulling me out of my probability blur. "You okay, you just seem a little far away tonight." I quickly turned around, checking the tables, thinking maybe I'd missed someone coming in or needing something, but then turned back to him when I saw everything was fine. "Why don't you go home? The girls can handle the rest of the night." He smiled kindly.

"Are you sure, Billy?"

"Yes, go and put your feet, you worked well tonight. Oh, and don't forget to collect your tips, I put the money bag on the table."

I nodded and thanked him and then went to get my stuff. When I got outside I was greeted by Jake who held his arm for me to take. I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"I'm going ta be your taxi tonight, Miss" He said in a bad impression of a cockney accent.

I shook my head at him but took his arm and let him lead me him to his car; a 1986 Volkswagen Rabbit - which I only knew because it was his pride and joy and unfortunately had been there for many a mention of the 'beauty.'

"Well, they could have at least sent me a driver with a decent car." I said playing along with the accent.

"Why, Miss, I think just you went and wounded me Jam tart, knocking on' bout me la-di-dah" He said.

"Huh?" I asked, tilting my head and looking at him oddly.

"My sisters were watching My Fair Lady before we got here, you know cockney slang." he said rolling his eyes. "I said; I think you wounded my heart talking about my car like that." He then explained.

"Well, you know, it is an 1985?" I said slipping up on purpose.

"It's 86, actually!" He defended.

"Now who's at the bad time of the month?" I snorted, holding my hands up in defence.

"Oh, shut it and get your short yet delicious ass-self in the car." he smirked.

I gave him my best shocked face but jumped in regardless, used to his teasing ways, though I felt he still lusted after me. I ignored him obviously for the first minute or so.

"Well, would you have preferred it if I'd said ugly ass?" He asked, trying to be serious though his smirk didn't help his case.

"Besides the point." I mumbled.

"No, it's not." He quipped back making him sound like a little boy. "Fine, don't talk to me then, just get in and lock the door after you." He grinned.

"I can look after myself, you know." I shrugged.

"I promised Em I'd look out for you whenever we were together, so, really, I'm only keeping a promise to a friend."

"Oh..." I said as my earlier emotions seemed to flood back in and suddenly I needed to be inside alone. "Well thanks for the lift Jake, see you." I said hurriedly fumbling to fish my keys from my bag and rushed to the door.

"Sure, see you..." I heard Jake's voice trail off as I closed the door and ran straight to my room.

I knelt down pulling the box out and then gently took this morning's letter and then sat cross legged on my bed. I took a deep breath as I turned it over to open it, but as soon as I touched the fold, I had that same bad feeling again and couldn't bring myself to do it. I closed my eyes, trying to will myself into it, knowing I'd feel better when it had been read. When I gave up on that, something caught my eye. I'd left the top of the box off and a picture was peeking out under the letter; a picture of Emmett smiling up at me.

The picture in question was of Emmett with his arms around Esme and Carlisle's shoulders, all three smiling up at me. Without thinking I grabbed the letter and my bear then headed back out, knowing exactly what I needed to do, where I needed to go..

When I got the familiar front door, I knocked instead of rung the bell so I didn't wake any of the younger children who would already be in bed. It was Carlisle who opened the door, he seemed curious yet happy to see me, and immediately stepped aside to let me in.

"Nice to see you, Alice." He said as he drew me in a hug, and then pulled back as Esme descended the stairs.

"Alice, Sweetheart, lovely to see you." She said in the same manner as Carlisle and also gave me a warm hug. "Oh, Alice?"

She soothed as I broke down in her arms, and she pulled me to sit with her on the sofa as Carlisle headed for the kitchen. Esme didn't pester me to tell her why I was crying or even tried to calm me, she knew it would be useless right now, I just needed to be held and let cry for a moment. Carlisle came back in a few minutes later with a coffee for him and Esme and a hot chocolate topped with whipped cream just like we used to have here on Friday nights when we were little, though with Emmett and I, it wasn't so much 'when we were little' as we had it every Friday until the week we'd left.

"I'm sorry." I managed as my sobs subsided a little.

"Don't apologize, Sweetheart, we've always said that we'd be here for you no matter how old you were, and you having moved out won't change that." Esme said as she gently wiped my eyes with a tissue, using her beautiful motherly touch that was like magic to children.

Carlisle handed me my hot chocolate and I took it gratefully letting its warmth seep through my fingertips and enjoying the feeling of the hot liquid tickling my taste buds. After a few sips, I looked back up at Carlisle and Esme.

"I just always felt as if you both understand exactly what everyone needed, and I just find comfort in you. Which is why I came here; I knew things would be hard, I knew there was no way that I wouldn't miss Emmett. He's always been there, he's always been my comforter, the one I'd turn to in any situation, but I just feel lost, like I don't know which way to turn now that he's not here, and he's the one I want to comfort me, though I know all that hardly makes sense."

"Alice, it's fine. We've been dealing with foster children for a long time, we understand the emotions, we've had a lot of experience trying to help people with loss, and though Emmett is coming back, it's still a loss. A loss because he's not here right now, and you just want to take the comfort in him, as you've always felt was right before." Carlisle told me, showing just how much of a perfect and well-suited couple he and Esme are.

"And then...." I took a deep breath. "And then I got the letter this morning; and now...."

"No..." Esme whispered. I lifted my head to look at her to see she had tears in her eyes.

"Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"No" I said as I closed my eyes and shook my head, only hearing their sighs of relief. "I just, I can't open it. Usually I'm so excited about getting his letters, they're like a life-line to me, but I just couldn't do it. I know I sound stupid and irrational, but I just have a bad feeling."

"Alice, you don't have to try and justify things to us, Honey. We understand. From the very first night you and Emmett were close, you became each others' brother and sister', you were each others' family, and it was always obvious that you never needed anyone else once you'd found each other.

"You were just meant to be. He was exactly what you needed as a comfort, he helped you; he was exactly what the numerous foster parents and even Carlisle and I couldn't be; what you needed.

"In return he needed you as well, he felt comfort in taking care of you, and knew that you were there for him as much as he was for you. And despite living in a house full of children who were in the same position as both of you, it was as if you were the only two that could understand each other perfectly.

"It melted my heart that morning when I came downstairs to find you both curled up on the sofa together. I'd been worried about Emmett, because I could tell he was such a friendly little boy, and I knew all he needed was a friend who he felt right with, but he just hadn't found him or her until you.

"Seeing him with arms wrapped around your little frame and his head rested on top of yours, I just knew you were meant to be. It was like he was a new person. Despite this, I remained wary about you for a little while, knowing that this wasn't the frightened, quiet little girl all your foster parents had seen. It was as if I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, that maybe it would be a delayed thing, so I kept my eye on the pair of you, just in case. But, as time when on, I was perfectly happy to accept that Emmett really had helped you.

"You and Emmett were such joys to have around. You were like reels of endless energy, and the pair of you were always smiling and laughing. Everyone thought you truly were brother and sister; the both of you with the dark hair and dazzling bright blue eyes that were always sparkling. People often commented how you were lucky that you had each other to get over the loss of your parents, I could never bring myself to tell them otherwise. You and he _were_ brother and sister in every sense except for blood, which never would have been important to a seven year old and a four year old.

"It was always Alice and Emmett against the world - Ali-Cat and Emmy-Bear and you never needed anyone else. It was a very comforting thing to watch for Carlisle and I, to know that you felt so safe and right together, children need stability and even now it's good to have someone."

Whilst Esme talked I listened intently, re-living it all with her, smiling and crying at the same time, of mine and Emmett's wonderful time together over the years. Sometimes it was odd to think that Emmett and I had known each other and had been so close for over fourteen years. Yet, in another sense, I couldn't imagine my life ever being different, and anyway, it wasn't as if I could really remember anything before what I called my new life with Emmett, it was all like a big dark hole, I couldn't re-call any of my life before that.

"So, you see, Alice, what you're feeling all makes perfect sense, you've just always had Emmett beside you, to hold your hand, or give you one of his famous 'bear hugs,' you're just a little at loss now that you're living your life alone." Carlisle smiled.

I took another deep breath and let it out slowly.

"And you've told us before how much comfort you get from hearing from Emmett, knowing he's okay, and how he says he needs you as much as you need him."

I stayed at theirs for a little while longer, just chatting and reminiscing about good times. But after a while, they had to get the older kids to bed, and my nervousness about the letter was not subsiding, so I knew it had to be done. I left with big thanks and hugs.

"You know you're always welcome here, Alice, you should pop by more often."

I gave them a nod, knowing my voice would probably crack if I tried anything more and headed for my car.

When I got in I made myself a hot drink and decided to keep my tradition and went to sit on Emmett's bed to read the letter. I set my hot chocolate; with plenty of marshmallows on the night stand and plumped the pillows up. Then I got myself comfy along with my substitute Emmy-Bear. I reached for Emmett's throw and wrapped it around me as I cuddled in his bed. I did wonder how I would look if another person my age could see me right now, all snuggled with a kids blanket and teddy whilst sipping my hot chocolate with too many marshmallows. But, hey, I couldn't' have cared less at that moment.

It had been a tough day and I didn't know one other person that seemed to live such an emotional or lost life, and I was just glad that it wasn't that time of the month as Jake had joked, because I seriously would have been a force not to reckon with as Emmett would have said. To be honest though, he was the sweetest guy when it came to that; he knew by now not to get on my bad side during those first few days, and kept the teasing to a minimum whenever I got emotional, always making me snacks and doing hot water bottles for me, and by now I was used to his little ways and constant 'you sure you aint knocked up, Ali, cause I think I'm too young to be being an uncle just yet?'

I closed my eyes and let my nerves calm a little as the letter rested in my lap. Then when I was happy, I took a deep breath and pulled the letter out opening the pages out, smiling when I saw some of Emmett's doodles on one page. Just as I read the first time _Dear my lil Ali-Cat _there was a knock at the door. I considered ignoring it for a moment, as I just sat there and hoped whoever it was would leave me alone just this once. However, it really didn't seem to be my day as the one knock turned into a loud sequence.

With a huff I leapt from the bed and jogged to answer the door and give whoever it was a piece of my mind. I practically wrenched the door open and felt my heart stutter painfully in my chest as I saw who was standing before me.

My breathing became laboured and I swear my heart was racing too fast to be healthy. The sudden temperature drop was a lot more than the blanket falling from my shoulders. My blood felt like ice as it raced through my veins.

I clutched my mid-section as my breathing continued coming in desperate gasps, and before I could steady myself I crumpled to the floor.

"Miss?" The officer asked as he knelt before me.

No...

This couldn't be happening....

I couldn't handle it...

Emmy-Bear...

**MC: Thank you for reading.**

**PT: Hope you enjoyed.**

**MC: Reviews are better than getting your own letter along with personalized Emmett doodles. And yes, I know everyone would prefer Emmett himself but you know...*pouts***

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**MC: *blows kisses* Bye!**


	4. Chapter 4

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**DISCLAIMER: We don't own the recognised characters, they belong to the ever talented Mrs Meyer... we do own the plot bunnies that are manically humping in our brains though...**

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**Playlist: Wait Me Up When September Ends - Green Day.**

It's amazing how much six months can change things. For one, my once sheltered and innocent life had become the complete opposite. I'd seen more blood shed in the last twenty six weeks then I'd ever care to admit, recall or relive. Seeing the first dead body that you yourself, had killed, was the hardest. I'd been told that it got easier with time. Personally, I didn't want it to, I didn't want to be able to be at the point in my life where I just thought, 'oh well, there goes another', sure you get it into your mindset that it's you or him, and the animal instinct inside you kicks in; that didn't mean I wanted to be alright about it.

The first night after I'd shot my first man, I curled myself into a ball in my makeshift bunk and cried silent tears, for not only the man I'd just killed, but for his family. This park of being a solider was what I hated the most. I woke the next morning after a disturbed night of sleep. Who was I trying to kid, every night was disturbed, though this time it was the mans' eyes and not the sound of what was going on around me that wake me in a cold sweat.

I'd become good friends with most of the guys, one in particular I'd formed more of a bond with; Emmett. He'd been the constant support I'd needed and I'd like to hope I was the same for him. We hadn't always been that close though, in fact, at first, I think he wished I was on the opposition just so he could shoot my ass into next week.

It all started whilst we were on our training, we'd bunked together, me on the top bunk and him below. I'd asked for something, I can even recall what now, but he'd told me it was on his bed, I'd lent down and when I looked up I saw the most dazzling pair of blue eyes staring back down at me. She was beautiful, and he was a lucky guy. I'd pulled the picture from where it'd been tucked into the runs of my bed above to take a better look.

She looked younger than us, though not by a lot, and she was stood in front of him, his arms around her waist and his head leaning on top of hers. I knew it must have been a recent picture because he was in his uniform. Her hands were in the pockets of her denim cut off shorts and the brown vest against her slightly tanned skin just looked out of this world. The best part was that she has a pair of brown cowboy boots in, it reminded me of back home and I smiled contently at the rush of emotions that were brought back just by seeing something so simple.

"Something else ain't she?" He said taking the photo from my hand.

"You're one lucky motherfucker that's for sure, she's hot!" I shoot back with a smirk.

"Talk about her like that again and you'll find yourself on ya ass eating dirt."

"Sorry, didn't mean to step on your toes." I replied holding my hands up in surrender.

"It's just hard. I hate that I'm leaving her at home whilst I'm here."

"Hey its hard on everyone, we're all leaving behind girlfriends and wives." I said trying to be supportive, giving him a smack on the back, "She'll still be waiting for you when you get home."

He laughed heartedly and rolls his eyes at me. "Of course she'll be waiting for me when I get home, she's my sister."

"Your sister?"

"Yeah, we're close, she's all I've got and vice versa." He shrugged, poking the photo back where I'd found it.

"Well we best make sure we keep you safe then huh?" I replied.

And I meant every word of it. If, indeed, he was the only thing she had there was no way I was going to let something happen to him, because I knew first hand how hard it was to lose a loved one. He smiled and we'd watched each others backs since.

He was as inclined to keep me safe as I was him once I'd told him about Pops leaving Ma on her own. He said he'd make sure that she'd never lose someone else if he could help it. Turns out the huge 6'4 pure muscle was more teddy then grizzly bear. He was a practical joker and managed to keep everyone's morale at an all time high when we needed it most, and regardless of the day he'd had, he was willing to listen. The only time you knew to leave him alone was when we received mail. That little sister of his made sure he was kept in the loop about everything, pages upon pages of this artsy looking writing arrived and he'd go find a quite corner to sit in.

After everything he did for everyone else, we'd pick up whatever watch or duties he was required to do until he came back. The letter would be crammed into his backpack next to the previous and he'd sit and write his reply in our downtime before we slept. The picture I'd seen her in for the first time, put in his top pocket, it never left him, it was like his way of clinging onto her even though they were so far away from each other.

Ma wrote me a lot too, it was like she would write everyday, and I'd get a pile of letters all at once. I'd speed read them, looking for any important news before going back to the beginning and actually taking in what she'd said. I found that in the time we'd been apart we'd actually become that much closer. Who knew writing could make that happen. I clung onto the moments when mail arrived; it was my way of knowing that she was doing well and that she was safe. It was bittersweet though. It made me realise just how much I missed her. I was a mommas' boy, I'm fine with admitting that, and seeing that I didn't have any siblings, it was inevitable that the pair of us would be close for that same reason. Sometimes the words would arrive smudged across the paper and I knew that it'd been where a tear had fallen and the blue ink smeared across the beige coloured parchment. It broke my heart into a million pieces when I thought about it being my fault that she'd shed those big wet salty drops, so I pushed it aside and made my mind try to believe that it had happened in transit.

All I needed to do was get through the next six months and I'd be on way home to the only woman I'd ever loved.

*****

We'd been told that we'd be moving in on the enemy tomorrow, so everyone was making the most of their ten minute webcam chat with loved ones back home. I couldn't bring myself to look in my mothers' tear filled eyes knowing that it could be the last time I saw her. I'd happily given up my ten minutes to Emmett, knowing how much I'd mean to him that he'd get a proper chance to speak with his sister. Watching his face light up when I told him to take my time was the best feeling I'd felt since I'd been in this shit pit. He held out his hand to shake mine in thanks before he headed over to the equipment, where he'd get a chance to 'be normal' for a while. In my hand as he let go was a plastic card. I smiled and shook my head; the guy was always trying to make things better.

In one of the many letters he'd received he'd started getting phone cards. It meant he could call him and not have to worry about the cost of it. We'd all be stung with that, you call back home and you'd be expected to reverse the charges or charge it to your credit card, and let me tell you, those bastards knew they had a captive audience and charged a fortune. Obviously being one smart cookie, she'd started including in these phone cards. You'd call the local number on the back and they'd take minutes off the card that you had in your hand. For $20 you'd get a 120minutes of talk time. All the guys then started to get them in their letters too, I presume they'd mentioned it to loved ones at some point.

I didn't mention it to Ma though, she wasn't wealthy and I didn't want her spending what little spare cash she did have on shit for me. Nope, I just charged those calls to my card, knowing when I got home I'd be able to settle the bill. Part of my money that we received went straight to Ma for me, and she made sure to pay off the minimum balance every month so I didn't get in too much debt.

He looked over his shoulder, as he took the seat at the computer facing away from me, I nodded my appreciation at the kind gesture and he mirrored my action. Heading for the nearest phone I knew I'd make the most of this phone call because who knew how long I'd have to wait until I got to speak to her again.

*****

"Ma?"

"Jas, honey, how are you?" She asked.

It was always the same question as soon as she heard my voice; I knew it'd be followed by a few sniffles so I prepared myself for the onslaught of emotion that was going to rise in my stomach in approximately thirty seconds.

"I'm good Ma, how ya holding up?"

"Oh don't worry about me, Son. I'm fine, nothing can stop me, y'all should know that by now." She laughed trying to hide the tears that were present in her voice.

We talked about nothing and everything for a while. I told her about how bad the food was and that I couldn't wait to have her home cooked stuff, and that I'd made it half way through my time away and that I was now on count down. She asked that I'd kept Pops' tag safe and I replied that it was in my top pocket with the locket she'd given me, as close to my heart as I could keep it.

It was a loud explosion coming from the base that brought me back to where I actually was. The dread and fear started to climb through my veins like heroin to an addict and the adrenalin made my heart pump faster.

"Ma, I've gotta go. I'll call you again as soon as I can. I love you."

"I love you too baby boy." I heard in the distance as I replaced the receiver to its holder.

My legs carried my body back to the men that were now considered my family as fast as I could, hoping and praying that no one had been hurt. With my gun held tightly in my hands, ready to shoot anyone that stood in my way I made my way for the one person that I knew I needed to protect to my own dying day.

_God, please don't let him be injured, I need to make sure he gets back to her._

*****

"Whitlock, over here!" He yelled in my direction.

He'd obviously guessed I was looking for him as my eyes scanned around. I continued to run, gun at the ready, waiting for the shit to hit the fan.

"What's going on? I didn't think we were moving 'til tomorrow." I said to him as soon as I was stood next to him.

"Blast was about five mile north. The boys that were already on their way have just called it in. Looks like we're making a move tonight man; get the shit you need cos we're on our way."

I nodded curtly and headed to where my few belongs were. A change of socks were essential as was a water canister. As ridiculous as it sounded there was nothing worse than wet feet, not that it'd rained here in a fucking long time, but when you blow shit up, pipes tend to explode too, and the shitty boots they'd issued me when I joined were split along the soles. That'd be the first thing I replaced when I got home.

"Boys have secured a building for us to use. Get in the trucks so we can move out." The officer in charge shouted.

We threw our bodies into the open back truck and headed into who knew what. The only one thing I was sure about was that I was potentially driving towards my death.

_Let me make them proud._

*****

The closer we got to our new base the louder the explosions got. We'd had to fight since we'd been there, but it was bulletins and knives, now we were dealing with all forms of crazy. Dust and earth was flying everywhere and my line of vision was getting blurry. We were driving into a warzone and there was nothing but fate deciding our future.

I closed my eyes and prayed; I prayed that I'd make it out of here alive, that we'd all get to go home to our families, for forgiveness for every bad decision and move I'd ever made and I prayed most of all that this wouldn't be the moment that would reunite me with my much missed and loved father.

The pat on my back brought me back to the here and now and I jumped down from the truck, following the other soldier to the building they'd secured for us. Bulletins and bits of shrapnel fell at my feet like drops of rain in the ocean. The smell of smoke and sulphur filled the air, choking my lungs and burning my throat and nose as I inhaled.

Our brief instructions by the commanding officer and the curt nod of everyone in our troop motioning that we understood what was about to happen; we were given just a few seconds to gather our thoughts. I pulled the chain and locket from my pocket bringing it to my mouth.

_This ones for you Pops. _

Emmett stood with his photograph in his hand, all dog eared and a little tattered, just staring at it. He mumbled a few words and put it back in his breast pocket.

"Ready McCarty?"

"I never got to say goodbye." He said through gritted teeth, "She wasn't there when I tried… then this…" He said motioning around us.

"You didn't need to say goodbye, 'cos y'all going home to her." I said with conviction, because even if it ended with me in a shallow unmarked grave, I'd make sure that he got home to the only family he'd ever known.

*****

Running to a half destroyed wall for cover we rested our backs against the wall whilst we worked through a plan on how to secure the area. Of course we were hoping it wouldn't end in even more bloodshed but it was inevitable that it was going to happen. These people were fighting for the country they believed in as much as we were. They're views for the war was to claim back what they thought was rightfully theirs.

It was distressing to think that things had got so bad that they believed violence was the only way to solve things. Yeah I'm a deep thinker, what can I say, more of Ma had washed off on me than I cared to admit. What happened to the days when talking things through was the answer. No, now they were teaching children at school to shoot guns instead of balls into nets, showing them how to defend their homes with knives instead of teaching them algebra. It was times like that that made me question my faith in the big guy up in the sky, yet I found myself whispering constant prayers; ironic huh? Questioning the same guy I was praying to. What can I say; war messes with your head.

The cries from falling men of both sides filled my ears and I tried my hardest to block it all out. I couldn't be dealing with or thinking about how many of my fellow men had lost their lives or limbs in the first couple of minutes. So far we'd lost just two of our troop, far fewer than most, but it had hit us hard. Anymore and we'd be falling apart at the seams.

_Please, if you are up there, look after us. _

I heard the familiar voice and call of 'Lets go' and holding the gun to my chest I ran for the next space we'd decided was going to be our shelter. I dived for cover as a shell hit the ground in the not so distant space in front of me. I turned just in time to roll out of the way as the large frame of Emmett came flying towards me into the space I'd just cleared. He moved forward on his elbows, dragging his body forward just the way they'd taught us and we huddled close to discuss what to do next. We knew what was about to come, and we didn't have a choice. It was time to take our lives into our hands to protect those that were put into this hell with no choice.

"Move out!" I heard as I focused and charged into the line of fire.

*****

The dust, bits of earth and rock that flew in all directions were blinding. I knew I had a thick layer of the stuff stuck to my skin where it'd hit my sweat soaked flesh. We were doing well and we were getting things under control. Some of their men held their hands up in surrender as they ran out of ammunition and were lead away to meet the consequences of their actions. The route in front was clear and Crowley made his way forward, we followed, protecting him from the sides.

"Crowley…. STOOOOPPPPPPPP." I yelled as he continued running on, pushing himself to the limits, not waiting for us to keep up.

He wasn't watching his footing and trod straight onto a mine, effectively blowing himself to pieces; knocking both myself and Emmett off our feet in the backlash of the explosion. I coughed and turned to my side to make sure Em wasn't hurt, he was doing the same to me.

What happened in the next few seconds was the last thing I remember. Turning to my left as I tried to regain my footing and put my helmet back in place, I saw the outline of a thin body running towards me; it belonged to a boy, a teenager at the most. He was stood over me before I even had a chance to move. I'm not sure if it was fear or determination in his eyes, but I knew it would end with one of us meeting our creator. He held his gun back to front, obviously out of bulletins, but knowing that the butt could cause me serious injury and leave me unable to fight for a while. My brain kicked in and I knew what I had to do. Holding my gun up I let out a round of shots but it was too late, his dead body landed on me as the butt of the gun hit me full force to the side of the temple.

"Whitlock…" was the last thing I heard.

Then everything went black.

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	5. Chapter 5

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APOV

_"Miss?" The officer asked as he knelt before me._

_This couldn't be happening...._

_I couldn't handle it..._

_Emmy-Bear..._

"Miss Alice Brandon?" He then questioned, I could only nod. "I'm Sergeant Alan Cartwright, I have your name recorded as the next of kin in regards of Lieutenant Emmett McCarty. I'm awfully sorry to be the barer of the news, but Lieutenant McCarty has been injured. He is currently residing at Jefferson Memorial Hospital at his army barracks; I'm here to escort you to the airport, Miss Brandon." I could hear his voice, sounding distant and yet close at the same time, and I couldn't quite place it.

My throat was constricting on its own accord and my pulse continued to race at an unnatural speed hammering in my chest. I jumped as I saw a hand reach out towards me and looked up with blurred vision at the man before me; the officer, only to realize that I'd crumpled to the ground.

His manner was calm and professional making me think for just a moment that he was a respected and high member of the army. I tried to do as he said, knowing I'd need to get my breathing in order because I was getting dizzy, I sucked in a deep breath, but it unsteadied me, I felt a strong pair of arms catch me before I fell any further. He stood up, setting me on my feet with him and kept his hands on my upper arms holding me upright.

"This can't be happening..."

I tried not to let my mind wander of the images I'd seen too many times on the news; the flag draped over the coffins, wives and children and parents holding onto the dog tags of their lost loves, and the sheer pain that was shown on every single person's face, which I knew now included mine.

"Miss Brandon, you need to try and calm down" Sergeant Cartwright said understandingly.

"No!" I yelled at him as I pulled myself free of his grasp. "I don't need to calm down! What the hell do I have to calm about!?You tell me the most important person in my life has been injured while he was part of the most atrocious situations, all because some people find it impossible to just talk things through. You're part of it, part of the fighting and killing; so you of all people have no bloody right to tell me to be calm!" I yelled through my tears pacing around the small space of the hall. And then turned away from him, leaning on the wall to steady myself as I let my pain flow freely.

"Miss Brandon, I know you're upset, but we really should be leaving as soon as possible." He said carefully, bringing me from the images of my darkest thoughts and nightmares. I looked up at him through my tears and just watched his expression. He looked understanding, and I wondered how many families he'd had to visit to deliver the bad news, I wondered how he slept at night, being the barer of such bad news, time and time again, I knew it was something I could never do; I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't strong enough for any of this.

"Would you be able to leave tonight?" He asked once I'd set myself upright again, still clutching my mid-section against the pain. I just nodded not sure how my voice would hold out.

"I'm taking it that as you were Private McCarty's only listed next of kin that he wouldn't want his parents to be contacted?"

"Our parents are dead. It's just us." I told him, my voice no more than a whisper. He nodded and then continued.

I could hear the officer talking about all the details for tonight, and things like compensation and leave and whatnot, but my mind wouldn't let me process any of it. I'd never let Emmett go in to much detail about what the proceedings would be, if anything were to happen to him. And knowing how it would affect me, he'd never pushed the subject any further than telling me he trusted the army would take care of things no matter what the situation was.

Part of me was just clinging to the hope that nothing more would happen to my brother. Part of me was ecstatic, that no matter what the circumstances, I'd get to see my Emmy-Bear. But, the bigger part of me would not rest until I knew he was perfectly okay.

The sergeant sent to me to pack some things, but the whole time I was in robot mode, I tried to clear myself of all emotion, not that it worked, but I tried. Within twenty minutes we were moving along the night in a dark official looking car with tinted windows and my mind was going insane.

The flight was a living nightmare. Every time I closed my eyes to tried and tune out the things my mind was playing out in front of my eyes, I'd see Emmett's eyes as if he were smiling, but then they'd turn dark and all the life would seep from them, then as soon as the image had come it would disappear, and I'd have to start all over again on regulating my breathing and to calm my erratic heart.

One thing I was glad for on the flight was that I at least felt as if I had some space. The plane wasn't all that full and I had the row to myself, well to myself and my terrifying thoughts.

Every breath I took was shaky and it felt as if my body was trying to prepare me, that if the worst happened it knew I wouldn't be able to hold on; to keep living without him.

As the tires hit concrete a new wave of nerves hit me. As I was met by another officer at the entrance I was hit by another wave of longing, and as I entered the tall dark building that held so much sadness and death I was hit with another wave of nausea. I had to make a quick dash to the bathroom near the reception and just stood looking at my pale self in the mirror for a few minutes as my vague eyes stared back at me, and the cold droplets of the water I'd splashed on my face dripped back into the porcelain bowl.

When I headed back out, I gave the officer a weak smile and silently praised the army's professionalism. He didn't rush me, just waited until I gave him a nod and we set off towards the row of elevators. By the time the doors opened I could taste blood as I worried my lip in between my teeth.

Walking through the maze of bright lights and pastel coloured walls was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. My mind and heart were racing the whole time. My mind spiralling all these atrocious images at me, my heart beating so fast it was worrying.

I wasn't paying all that much attention to my surrounding, and as the soldier who was walking in front of me stopped, I almost walked straight into the back of him. I peered around him to see he'd stopped outside a door.

"Lieutenant McCarty's room, Miss." He told me in a broken accent. I nodded and mumbled a thank you before he nodded at me and walked away. I took a deep breath and then lifted my hand towards the door handle.

My whole body was shaking, especially my hands, so much so, that I had to lower it again. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to banish every possible bad thought from my mind, just long enough to will my self to at least the get the door open. Because, in honesty, I knew I had to go inside. It was like a pull, I just had to see Emmett no matter what the catch or outcome, I just needed to see him.

So, with that thought in mind I took hold of the handle, turned it and then slowly pushed the door open. But, no matter how much I'd tried to warn myself about what could be behind the door, I still wasn't ready. I gasped, yet, my feet took me forward a few steps but I couldn't go any further as I stared at Emmett's lifeless body.

I tried to draw in breath but it felt as if my lungs and chest were contracting in on themselves, then I jumped as movement caught my eye, noticing someone else in the room.

She was dressed in a nurse's uniform and was absolutely gorgeous. She jumped a little when she turned and saw me.

"Oh, sorry...hey, hey." She said as she rushed to my side and tried to pull me to sit on the chair near the door. I pulled away from her and fled the room. I ignored all the funny looks I got from doctors and nurses and patients and families alike and didn't stop until I was clear of everyone and was on my own with the darkness, and worst of all the sheer pain of the truth.

My Emmy-bear was gone...

I let myself slide down the wall behind me as the torrent of tears began to fall effortlessly. I was shaking uncontrollably, but I couldn't put it down to the night and its temperature or the heavy rain.

I tried in earnest to get the image of Emmett lying there so lifeless out of my mind. I'd never seen him that still, not even in his sleep, he was always breathing heavily or snoring or mumbling, tossing and turning, I'd never seen him like that.

"There you are" The nurse's voice sounded, her tone one of relief. I looked up from where my head was buried in my knees which I had pulled tightly up to my chest.

"Take a deep breath, sweetie. I know it can be hard and scary to see someone you love in hospital, like that, but Em's doing well." She smiled. My eyes were focused on the blurry raindrops as they hit my arm, but then her words sank in.

"He's...you mean he's not..." I stuttered and then had to close my eyes as I whispered the last word. "Dead...?"

"Oh, sweetie, no." She said with a gently look as she placed her hand on my knee. I just stared at her as a gulf of relief swept over my body and my tears continued to flow, just for a different reason now. "We gave him a sedative; It's just a drug induced sleep." She added as she continued to look at me with an understanding expression.

"You're Alice aren't you?" She asked after a minute as she let me catch my breath, I probably looked a little helpless, I sure felt it. I nodded at her question. "He keeps mumbling something about his Ali." She smiled. "And something about a cat." She added under her breath as an afterthought.

"I'm his Ali-Cat."

"Oh, well that makes sense." Seeming to blush for a second at being heard.

"He's my Emmy-Bear."

"That's cute, he could be a bear, huh." I nodded. "How long have you two been together?" she asked.

"I was four and he was seven, we've been inseparable ever since."

"Wow, there's commitment for you. Childhood sweethearts then." She said, though it sounded more like a question that a statement.

"Um, no..." I told her as my eyebrows furrowed together.

"Wait, you two are, you know are..."

"Brother and sister" I finished her sentence and saw the comprehension dawn on her.

"I just thought, what with you having the same eyes and hair colour." I smiled, albeit a little sadly.

"Do you wanna come back inside, it's freezing." She said as a shiver went through her. I just looked at her for a moment and then the building looming before me. I looked back and her and took the hand she'd held out and let her pull me to her feet. "You two are really close, aren't you?" She asked once were in the lift. I nodded.

"He's my world." I sighed, not sure if I'd said it loud enough that she'd heard.

"My name's Rosalie, by the way." She smiled extending her hand to me.

I forced myself to keep my head up and stay strong, more for Emmett's or Rosalie's sake more than my own at the moment, as I followed her back towards his room.

When we were there I just stood next to his bed for a few moments.

"He's not in any pain is he?" I asked Rosalie, my voice hardly audible.

"No." She said with a shake of her head. "Right now, he's just in a deep and undisturbed sleep." I nodded, he did look peaceful, too peaceful to be in any sort of real pain anyway.

Rosalie moved the chair had been near the door and set it down next to the bed, then told me she'd leave me with my brother as she went to tend some of her other patients, but promised she wouldn't be far if I needed or wanted her.

So, there I sat, trying to calm myself and control my thoughts from going to those scary places as I watched my big brother, crying tears of happiness, pain and most importantly hope. And, although I knew the worst was over, my body didn't seem to agree. To be fair, I had spent the past few hours on a plane where my thoughts seemed to just bounce off the walls and back at me. I spent the whole journey thinking the worst, only to think it had become reality as I'd seen Emmett's lifeless body lying on the hospital gurney. And then, though I'd felt instantly better and knew I had something worth living for, as my deepest fear had stayed as just that, my mind and body were still in over-drive.

It was a hell of a lot to process all in such a short period of time; to have my world crashing down around me, that I'd lost the most important thing in my world, and then have it all flipped as everything was in fact okay. Except, he wasn't okay; at least not by my standards. No, that wouldn't be until he was completely healed at home in his own bed with me, as he joked about something or other and would probably be eating some form of junk food, with a smile on his face.

It wasn't right that he was here on this creaky metal bed, surrounded by the hum of the monitors, the unpleasant smell of antiseptic and the unwelcoming feeling that the white walls, floors and cold lights gave.

I looked towards the window as the rain hammered against it noisily, almost out of place in this eerie silence that just wasn't Emmett. It seemed as if the skies were crying just like I and so many other people in this hospital were surely doing, crying over lost loves, and though I knew mine was at least alive, for now, I couldn't relax. I slumped back in the chair and looked down only now noticing what it was that had been keeping my hands busy; it was the letter.

The letter I'd worried so much about, when really that would have been the least of my worries if I'd known this was coming. And, anyway, what could be so bad in a letter compared to my brother lying here in a drug induced sleep because he'd have been in too much pain or too doped up to know what was going on. I quickly unfolded the pages, eager to try and find a little peace in the situation, and hoped that Em's letter would give me just that.

Except, at the opening line I felt a lump form in my throat and my heart strings were tugged on.

_Dear my lil Ali-Cat,_

_I told myself I wouldn't do this, that no matter how upset I got, I'd try and keep my emotions in check in my letters to you. I already feel guilty enough for leaving you, and I didn't want to be the reason why you had anything else to cry over. But, God, I miss you, Ali. It's been a long time, six long months and though I cry like a the fricking pansy that I apparently I am every time I read one of your Goddamn letters, I need to let it out too. _

_So, as you're reading this, I just need you to promise me one thing, well more promise yourself, I guess, and that is that no matter what I say in this letter, that you're next letter won't be you begging for me to come home. Because, right now, though I can't completely bring myself to think I made the wrong decision in joining the army, I still sometimes wonder if I should have saved myself this loneliness I feel without you._

_There are times when I just need one of your smiles. See, __I used to think it took the night to make it dark, but I was wrong, here things can be dark no matter how brightly and strongly the sun is shining, whether it be what's going on around me, or just wanting to be back at home with you. And, I know that during those periods, a smile from you would brighten the darkest of time. But, before you get those lacy little panties of yours (I only know because you leave them on display when you set them to dry, nothing pervy going on, promise ya) things are going fine over here, and even though it's been a long time, it's still hard to get used to. Mind, I have to admit, my life never had that much structure to it, I loved it, and you just made it all the more amazing my lil Ali. _

_More than anything, I miss your purrrrrrrr. When you couldn't sleep, being cuddled up on my lap or in my arms seemed to work for you, and though I loved this, it was your cute little purr that had me sleeping soundly, no matter what; I guess hadn't noticed how much of a lullaby it was for me. Everything is just different from the wonderful little bubble we'd created, and I miss being inside it._

_A lot of the time, it's the little things I miss, little notes left on the bathroom mirror, knowing I'd be running late after you and your too long amount of time doing your girly shit - that you so don't need, because you're just too cute when you've just woken up in the morning. Being able to crash in my own bed, anytime I want, and the look on your face as I throw you over my shoulder or drag you with me, or that playful little giggle you let out when I just toss you on there. And, waking up whenever I want without being hounded about wanting to lie in, you always let me, and I love the little sticky notes that'd be stuck on my forehead or the mirror, knowing me so well; just letting me know where you are so I don't worry about you, or waking me up until you have a good enough reason (or food.)_

_There are often times when I wonder what it is that you'd be doing at that moment, and sometimes it's me wondering what we'd be up to, if I was there with you, if things were back to normal, if everything was okay. But, despite all of this, I know that my country needs me._

_I have to go now, Ali, war calls...One last thing though, no matter what, keep you're head up Little One, I couldn't deal with you not being my lil Ali-Cat when I get home. _

_Love you always, Ali_

_Your Emmy-Bear_

_xxx_

_I'll always be your Ali-Cat, Emmy-Bear..._

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	6. Chapter 6

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The beeping noise around me needed to stop, it was driving me crazy and was making me anxious. There was no other noise around me, other than that monotonous drone, no shouting, no buzz to the air, just calm. The air smelt fresh; it didn't clog the back of your parched throat with dust. Talking of parched, my throat was sore, dry and full, though I wasn't sure of what. Then I remembered what happened, the feeling of the cold metal hitting my head, the sound of Emmetts' voice ringing through my ears and the weight of the slight frame of the boy falling onto me.

_Am I dead?_

Would I be able to hear if I was dead? Surely I'd be able to move? My father would be waiting for me. I'd seen no bright light that people had spoke of and I'd seen no angel waiting with beautiful white feathery wings at the pearly white gates sat on a fluffy cloud, maybe it was just a story, not like anyone had come back from the dead and confirmed all this bullshit they fill you with to make the whole 'dying experience' that little bit easier.

Saying that, did I even deserve to go to Heaven, maybe this was hell; it would certain explain the constant drone of the noise that was soon becoming the bane of my existence; if I still have an existence of course. I'd deserve to go to hell for the men I'd killed, but I'd expected it to be warmer. There was a breeze blow on me and I wanted to stop it but I couldn't tell where it was coming from. It was just there, like I'm just here.

_Open your eyes you fool and see where you are._

I tried, I swear to God I tried, but my eyes just wouldn't open for love, nor money, nor all the will in the fucking world. I tried to move my arm to rub my face, but that was no good either, they were like weights and too heavy for me to lift. That's when panic set in; maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me. Maybe I'd been blinded and my eyes were open and this was all I could see, or maybe I couldn't lift my arms because I didn't have them anymore.

"Morning Soldier."

_Ah so that answers at least one of my million questions, I'm not dead because someone is talking to me._

"It's only me, gonna open those eyes for me today maybe?"

_Who is this woman that refers to herself as me?_

"Time for me to give that hair of yours a wash. It's getting long. Your Momma said that you'd be happy about that."

_How the hell does she know about my Ma?_

_Wait, is Ma here?_

The feeling of my body moving with my actually doing it myself and it made me panic, shit like that shouldn't happen. The beeping in the background picked up and started to go faster. I felt a small hand on my shoulder and the sensation of something being placed around my shoulders.

"Oh Jasper," she sighed, "When are you gonna learn that that's just the bed moving silly. You never make this much fuss when she does it." She giggled.

The giggle was like hearing a birds' song in the morning, as though all my senses were awakening for the first time. The way she talked it was like this was a normal occurrence when I was moved, though for the life of me I couldn't recall this experience ever happening before.

My body involuntarily moved forward slightly before I was sat back against the soft cushion which I could only presume was the bed mattress. The warm trickle of water being wiped through my hair and the pleasure of a head massage was enough to make me moan, though I'm sure it was only internally because she didn't say a word. I was smiling on the inside at the angel that was taking care of me. What I'd give to open my eyes so I could see her to and be able to say thank you.

She said my hair was getting longer, the last time I'd seen it it'd grow out of its crop but the way her fingers went through my scalp it felt so much longer. The slight pull of the roots as she got to the end was both pleasing yet uncomfortable.

"All done, I hope you feel better for it." She said, it getting gradually quieter. The shuffling of feet told me that she'd left the room and again I tried to open my eyes.

It was becoming more and more frustrating, I wanted to ask so many questions and I wanted to be able to know what was going on in this crazy world.

"I'm back, lets get you washed down before your visitor gets here, I'm sure you'll be grateful when you wake up."

_Ah, so they think I'm asleep. How long have I been asleep for though. _

She lifted my arms and the tepid warm washed my skin. I could smell soap, it wasn't my usual soap, but it smelt clean and to me that was an improvement on the sweat and dust I was used to smelling. The cool air against my damp skin was strange. I was feeling all these things, yet I couldn't see or actually feel them for myself, it was like I was having some outta body experience. When I finally opened my eyes, would I actually be looking down at myself, hovering over myself.

"So your Momma is gonna be coming in this afternoon, but there's your other visitor who'll be here in about ten minutes. She thinks I don't know she's comes here. She's come to keep you company when her brother is sleeping."

_Who comes to see me? Who's her brother, and why does she feel the need to keep me company?_

"I'll be back a little later sweetie; you try to open those eyes for me."

_If I could I fucking would._

I can hear her footsteps disappear and the sound of the machine starts again. I know if I were awake I'd be pulling the fucker outta the wall just to shut it up. Most people learn patience in the army, it just made me realise that I have a short fuse, something I take after Pops with.

"There's my boy."

It was like a choir of cherubs singing. Her voice, oh how I'd missed it. It was calming, familiar and completely relaxing all in one go. I wanted to reach out and hold her hand, tell her how much I loved her, and that I was sorry that I worried her, but neither my mouth nor arm would work. I felt her take my hand in hers and enclose it around mine. I'd missed her touch, if I could, I'm sure I'd be crying right now.

"The nurse said that your heart beat picked up again today when they moved you. Apparently that's a good sign, means you're getting closer to waking up. I can't wait for you to open your eyes Jasper; I've missed seeing their sparkle.

Things are good at home, the house looks immaculate, I guess I've kept it clean for when you come home. Your room is waiting for you. You just need to wake up." She said with a sigh. "Please baby boy, you need to wake up for me."

I could hear the tears in her voice, just like the tears had been present in our last conversation. Why did I always make her cry? What kind of son was I? Who makes their mother cry? And why the fuck can't I open my fucking eyes?! The monitor started to beat faster like earlier and the sound of a chair scrapping across the floor rang through my ears.

"It's ok Jasper, I've called the nurse. Just relax for me, please?" She pleaded, running her fingers across my scalp and down my cheek. Her touch was as soft as I remembered it. I wanted to lean into it; to let her know I was alright but yet again my godforsaken body wouldn't move. "You need to calm down for me baby boy. Please."

Her hand stroked at my cheek and the familiarity of it took me back to when I was a child. It was amazing how when you're a kid a mothers touch can mend anything; a scraped knee, a broken heart or the feeling of disappointment. What I couldn't understand was how in this instance it didn't work. It had _always_ worked. Had war hardened me to everything around me that once settled my irrational feelings that stirred every emotion in my body causing me to freak out without being able to do anything to stop it? Either way all these fears, worries and uncertainties of what was going on around me caused me to panic all the more. The more I panicked the more that fucking beeping picked up. It needed to stop because that in itself was stressing me out even more. Like seriously, the beeping was more fucking annoying that the sound of a trapped fly trying to get out of a window.

"Oh Rosalie, it's just getting worse, it won't calm down, I don't know what to do." My mother cried.

_Ah so Rosalie would be the nurse?_

"Don't worry Mrs Whitlock, we talked about this remember? It's because he can hear you, he's trying to come round and it'll be frustrating that he can't do what he wants to."

Never before had I been spoken about whilst I could hear what was going on. It was just bizarre. If she knew I could hear them why was she talking like I wasn't in the room. It pissed me off a bit because she'd just said it herself. I _could _hear them, so address me, and tell me to stop fucking freaking out and that this was normal and I may calm the fuck down enough to stop the inane beeping.

"Jasper, come on, I know you can hear me, calm down honey, you're freaking your momma out." She said softly.

_Ah so you can talk to me. _

In all honesty I was so worked up by the time she'd talked to me I wasn't sure how to calm down quickly. The usual calm and collected person in me seemed to have dissolved like sugar in hot tea. Trying to remember things that had worked for me previously I searched my memories for all the things I loved; riding my bike to my father's waiting open arms, Ma's fresh baked apple and cinnamon pie, joking around with Emmett, my bed at home, the cerulean eyes that had stared back at me from that photo.

_Whoa that's a new one._

Once I'd thought of those eyes though I couldn't stop. Then I remembered the dark hair, the heart shaped face, the way her nose turned up slightly at the end making her features soft and perfect. The curve of her hips in those cut off denim shorts.

I knew I'd found her attractive when I'd first seen the photograph, but fuck me I'd never thought of her like _that_ before, had I?

My brain started coursing through all the memories and dreams I'd had over the last however many months I'd been away from home and the images hit me like a freight train. She was always in them, blurred in the background. Never quite near me enough for me to touch, but there, smiling and looking beautiful and like an angel sent from heaven.

Then the thought that made my mind freeze and my world crumble around me, the one thing I'd promised and potentially failed at keeping; Emmett. He was all she had and I promised to protect him and I hadn't. Was he alive even? Why had I failed at the one thing I promised myself I'd fight 'til my dying day to do. Here I was in a body that didn't want to work, my mind racing with a million and one questions, but the main one I wanted the answer to right now was simple.

Had I let her down?

The beeping went into over drive and I could hear all manner of equipment being moved around me, the soft touch of my mothers hand on my cheek, cooing at me, hoping to settle me down. I knew I was having a mini freak out but there was nothing I could do about it. I needed to know that Emmett was back with his sister.

"I'll be right back Mrs Whitlock, there is only one thing that is going to help in this situation." She said, her shoes hitting the floor in little patters.

"It's going to be alright baby boy, please calm down, I know you can hear me, and we'll talk everything through when you wake up, just now please rest and relax, you're causing yourself more harm this way." She pleaded.

I tried to concentrate on her voice to relax me but it wasn't happening, I needed answers to my silent questions and I needed them now.

The patter of feet came back into the room, followed by a scent that I was sure I knew from somewhere but I couldn't place where. It was calming, reassuring and sexy as hell all in one go. My heart started to calm as I breathed the smell in deep.

"Hey soldier. I'm here. No need to panic." The gentle voice cooed as a new hand touch my cheek, stroking the skin delicately. "Gonna calm down for me huh?"

I'd do anything for that voice; it was like my own form of paradise. The tone was reassuring, lovely and calming without a hint of being patronizing. I calmed my irrational thoughts as the bed dipped beside me. The hand that had been on my face took my hand and placed it in her lap I presumed.

"You need to relax for me because Em is gonna freak out if I go back and tell him you're getting worked up in here. Don't make me get the porter to wheel him down here to beat on your ass." She laughed.

_So he is alive. Thank the fucking dude in the sky._

_Wait, if she's telling me about Emmett, does this mean that the girl holding my hand right now is his sister?_

If I didn't have a reason to open my eyes right now that in itself had been my goal, I needed to open them and see if the azure pools were staring back at me. I needed this like I needed air to live. The beeping started to slower and the bed dipped further as she moved closer towards me. I could feel pressure on my upper arm and my forearm being pulled around her, her hand never leaving mine. I could feel her breath on my face, and her scent intensified.

"We'll leave you alone for a little; I'm just going to get some tea." My mother said as feet shuffled out of the room.

The pressure moved from my upper arm to my chest and I realised that she'd laid her head on my torso, still never letting go of my hand. Every part of me wanted to roll onto my side to look at her, see her form lying on mine. I wanted it more than I'd ever wanted anything.

"Please Jazz, come back to your Momma, she's so sad without you. I know you can hear me, please give me a sign that you're still in there."

If she wanted a sign I'd do anything I could possible to let her know I was still there. With all the will in the world, I put ever piece of concentration I had into squeezing her hand. I was trying so hard and it wouldn't work.

_Ok Whitlock, if you can't squeeze her hand just move a finger._

I psyched myself up inside telling, no pleading, with myself to move one little finger, anything I could do to let her know I was there and trying to come back and open my eyes and be the person I'd been before my world fell apart. I managed to move my pointer finger against hers. It was only fractional, but I did it.

"Jazz, you just moved your finger. You really can hear me." She said jumping off the bed.

The instant lose was enough for me to panic, it felt like a dream and I didn't want to wake up if it was. The beeping picked up again and it pissed me the fuck off. She obviously noticed that I was having a mini breakdown again inside because her hand back straight back to mine.

"Rosalie, Rosalie. Get in here. PLEASE." She screamed.

A rush of noise and people came into the room.

"He moved his finger. I swear he moved his finger."

"Jasper? I know you can hear us. Can you do it again for me?" I male voiced asked he took my hand away from hers.

The fuck I was doing it for anyone other than her.

"Jazz please. Do it for me? Do it for Momma Whitlock?" She begged, "Give me his hand. Move."

I felt her hand back in mine and the smug motherfucker inside of did a happy dance that she wanted me to do something for her. So I did. I moved my finger and listened to the happiness in her voice.

"This is all a good sign, he'll be back with you before you know it."

"We're not together Doctor, I'm just a friend of a friend." She said a little disheartened.

_We'll soon change that little lady. Just give me time._

"Well whatever you're doing, keep it up. You seem to be the only one he responds too according to these notes."

"Of course." She replied, a hint of smugness in her voice, and if it wasn't the sexiest thing I'd ever heard I'd be a liar.

"I'll just go get Mrs Whitlock. I'll be back." The nurse who they'd called Rosalie said as feet shuffled out of the room.

"I'm so proud of you Jazz. I just need you to open those eyes. Your ma tells me you have the most beautiful eyes in the world but I want to see for myself." She said quietly, never letting my hand go from her strong grip.

And because the smug motherfucker inside of me was winning today, I did what she asked. I used all my concentration in the world to do what I'd wanted to do since I realised what was going on around me. I opened my eyes and stared at her.

The light from the room shone around her head and made it look like she was wearing a halo. My own angel sent from heaven to protect me.

"Jazz you're awake, OHMIGOD, OH MY GOD! ROSALIE HE'S AWAKE, HE'S AWAKE. SOMEONE GET IN HERE." She screamed.

As people and noises rushed around me I could only concentrate on one thing; her smile. I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to smile back, I wanted to do hundreds things but I couldn't. I'd used all my energy just opening my eyes and moving my finger. Before anyone could move her away from me to check that I really had come around she said one line that'll live with me forever.

"Welcome home Soldier. You've kept me waiting a long time."

* * *

**PT - You didn't honestly think I'd kill him off did you?**

**MC - Even she's not that mean.... **

**PT - Let us know what you think... they make us write faster...**

**MC - Come on... writing to do... plot bunnies to play we *skips off***

**PT - Byeeeeeeee *blows kisses***


	7. Chapter 7

**MC: Evening everyone! *waves* Back for another dose of Alice-ness.**

**PT: I bet everyone's glad Alice and Jas finally met huh? We were, too *smirks***

**MC: Yup, didn't you just love the last line?**

**PT: Anyway...onto this chapter *smiles***

**MC: Okey dokey. Oh and thank you to each and every one who made us smile with your reviews...**

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**DISCLAIMER: We are still not Stephenie Meyer, therefore we do not own the Twilight Saga nor anything in it *grumbles* We just like playing with the characters!**

I hadn't realised I'd fallen asleep until I was gently shook awake and blinked as my eyes adjusted to the morning light.

"Morning, sweetie." Rosalie smiled at me. "I didn't want you hurting your neck, being like that." She added as she motioned to how I was slumped on the side of Emmett's bed. I quickly looked up at him worriedly, thinking maybe there had been some change, but there he still lay in the same position not having moved at all.

"Why's he so still?" I asked Rosalie as I stretched all the kinks out of my body after my restless few hours of sleep.

"It's just the sedatives, they'll have an effect on him for roughly 12 hours, he should be coming around pretty soon." She said, glancing at the clock my eyes following hers as if looking at the clock would will time forward so Emmett would wake sooner.

"That clock's wonky, you know" I told her, she just looked at me oddly. "It's hung on an angle." I verified, she titled her head looking again.

"Huh, I guess it is."

"Sorry, you probably think I'm going crazy..."I mumbled.

"No, Alice, it's hard having someone you love so much here." She smiled and then left the room after checking over Em. I let my eyes wander back and forth between Emmett and the clock wishing something would happen to either of them.

That clock hanging above the door had been the only thing that gave me any idea of time. The seconds ticked on and turned into minutes, and as they ticked on they turned into hours. And despite the constant _tick tick tick_ grating on my mind as the hands of the clock moved effortlessly around it's face, I still couldn't have told you how long I'd been sat here. I read and re-read Emmett's heart-wrenching letter until I could take no more, and my eyes finally seemed to run out of tears to cry, leaving them puffy and irritable. But something as little and as un-important as that didn't have more than a few seconds space in my over-run mind.

In the time I'd been there, I hadn't seen Emmett move once, which was a frightening thing for me to watch. Though, I was glad he was in a pain-free state it was still controlled and un-natural, especially for Emmett.

After so long of just sitting there waiting you would have thought I'd get bored, but my mind wouldn't possibly let that happen, instead at some point in the night I started to feel stupid. Stupid that I was an optimist, positive existentialism was a big part of who I was, but it was during times like these I wondered if I was just fooling myself. Say I was just getting my hopes up for no reason and I'd have them dashed, and I knew that would hurt even more. But then, I'd think about all the wonderful times Emmett and I had shared ad I'd look at his peaceful face, and I knew I would never give up on him, I never could. After all, if Emmett was gone, what else would I have to live for?

Without really thinking I began to say what was on my mind, whether it was to Emmett or for my own sake I didn't know, but as Emmett had needed his emotional out in his letter, I felt I needed mine now.

"I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you, Em. It hurts too much just thinking about it." I sighed and felt the tears begin to wet my cheeks once again.

"You're the only person I've ever felt I could truly be myself with, and without you I wouldn't be who I am; I wouldn't be me. You're not quite you at the moment, and I feel lost. My heart aches to be back in that little world that you and I created. I so desperately want to be back in that little bubble of ours, feeling safe and secure and more content than words could tell. I want to back there with you, in all that was you and I. I want to feel like me again."

" It's like I've fallen down a big dark like the Alice in Alice Wonderland, except without you as my White Rabbit I'll never find my way. Or like I'm trapped in a dark tunnel, I know there should be a way out, but I need the light that is you to guide me, without you there's nothing but the darkness closing in on me. "

"I feel as if my own thoughts are even closing in on me, like claustrophobia in my own mind, as if my head is closing in on me, or at least tricking me into thinking that's what's happening and it's pushing me closer to paranoia that I'm still here, that I'm still real, and this isn't all my imagination playing a sick joke on me."

"I need you, Em, please don't leave me..."

"I promised you a long time ago I'd never leave, Ali, and I thought you'd know me well enough by now that I don't go back on my promises." My head flew up but nothing seemed to register as I stared at my brother.

Emmett was cricking his neck the same as he always did when he woke up, though this time I didn't flinch as usual. His eyes were still fluttering a little with tiredness, but it was at that moment that I knew I hadn't lost my Emmett; I could see the life in his eyes.

"Ali, breathe, don't want to have to admit you too, 'cause you stopped breathing on your own do we?" He chuckled.

"Em..." I breathed as I flung myself at him making him chuckle. "God, you...DARE do that to me again!" I warned as I took a step back just to look at him and beamed as I saw his bright eyes smile back at me.

Emmett and I spent some much needed time chatting like old times. I loved the fact that nothing would ever change between us; nothing could break our bond. We settled into a comfortable silence after a good while, having exhausted our voice-boxes. And, despite some frowns from two of the nurses, I stayed snuggled up next to him on the bed, holding onto him tightly the whole time, it was as though I felt like he would disappear at any moment, and I knew I wouldn't be able to handle that.

"Sooo, how about we talk about some stuff that never made it into the letters?" He suggested after a little while, though there was a little too much nonchalance in his voice, if you ask me.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at him, he smirked.

"Oh, I don't know, how about....your love life?"

"What about it?" I asked as I narrowed my eyes, foreseeing where this would be headed.

"I'm intrigued to know how many guys you pulled under your spell while I was away. I mean, surely if it was only one he'd have been mentioned at some point, and I am your brother after all." He shrugged.

"So, you think that gets you instant access all areas to my personal life, huh? "

"Pretty much. Anyway, it's not exactly personal if you go brining them home or spend hours talking to them running up our phone bill. He chuckled."

"Aw, come on I'm not that bad...Am I?"

"I'm gonna stay safe and say no comment to that one, sis"

"Cheek." I muttered as I slapped him on the arm. "Sorry!" I then said repentantly as I remembered why it was we were having this discussion on a hospital bed in a foreign country in the first place. He gave me an exasperated look for a moment and then ruffled my hair.

"You're okay, it's only the leg you need to be careful with."

"I'll remember that for the next time I need to give you a whack, brother."

"Is that a threat, sister?"

"It just might be. Anyway, no matter what you say, I am not that bad."

"Pfft"

"Oi!"

"Seriously, Ali, think about it. You're only 18 and in the past few years you've been with how many guys?"

"Em..."

"No, really. Lemme tell you. There was Mike..."

"Douche bag, idiot and desperate loser all in one."

"So, you called it off. There was Quil."

"Too clingy"

"So, you called it off. There was Embry; really nice guy, pity about that one..."

"He was crap in bed."

"Ali! TMI! Anyway, so, you called it off. Then there was Jared"

"He was a pansy"

"So, you called it off. There was Ben."

"Who wanted Angela over me the moment he met her."

"So, you called it off. Oh and then Sam came along....well that was something else, almost old enough to be your dad and married I might add!"

"Hey now, nothing ever happened there. It was just a bit of harmless flirting..."

"I've heard about your so called harmless flirting, believe me, it aint harmless Ali, when you can get every guy in the room's attention with a flutter of those eyelashes of yours."

"Shut up." I mumbled. "Anyway, I apologized as soon as he told me he was taken."

"There's another guy toy that didn't get hurt by you calling off the relationship, then."

"It wasn't a relationship!"

"If ya say so... I'm not completely blind, though you know, Alice or deaf for that matter. I see how guys look at you and talk about you, and I see how you react around them, too."

"Em, I'm 18, I'm allowed to live my life and have fun."

"I know, Ali, but you know you can have fun outside the bedroom." He mumbled. "Think about it from my point of view. I'm not completely blind, but I'm not happy thinking that you stated having sex more than a year ago, and that's a lot of guys in a year. So, tell me how many since I've been away."

"You really wanna know?" He nodded, with a smirk and I suspected he didn't believe one thing I was telling him. "Fine, well if I'm being completely honest, James was the last person I ad sex with, and we officially called it off less than a fortnight after you left. Firstly, because you were gone, he thought Id' want to spend all my free time with him, and I mean all, having sex I might add. And, secondly, apparently I'm no fun when I'm constantly mopey and cry all the time."

"And, then Jake and I got together, but that didn't last long at all; there was just no spark between us. We didn't even get to third base, and seen as you think of me as such a slut, that must come as surprising news to you.... No, Em , lemme finish" I said as he went to interrupt.

"And, that all happened before you'd been gone seven weeks. And, since then, nothing. No having sex, no making out, not even a single kiss. At first, guys tried but I just wasn't interested any more, I didn't really have a reason why at the time. And, then, I stopped noticing guys all together and so in time, I guess guys just stopped noticing me, too. To be fair, it's not as if I gave any guys much of a chance, or my self, nor myself for that matter. I went to school and practically ignored everyone, including Angela who I haven't properly talked to in around a month now. I went to work and stuck on a smile for the customers and Billy, but really, I was glad that I'd never see most f the customers again and that I didn't have to try o hard to show them I was okay, because they didn't know the usual me. They talked to me because it was my job to be polite, it wasn't because they felt sorry for the mess I was most if the time, they didn't know anything about the sad existence I was calling my life.

And then at some point in this miserable time, I started to realize why everything had turned out like this. It was because, no matter how alone I felt, I still didn't want anyone else, I didn't want anyone else in my life. There was only one thing I could have possibly wanted, and how ironic is it that was the exact thing I couldn't have. So, how about that for some information while you were away, huh? Happy now. Oh, and while we're on the subject, I may as well tell you why it what it was that was so bloody important that I put my whole life on hold for? Well, it was you, Em....It was you." The last part came out almost in a whisper, but by the single tear that left Emmett's eye, I knew he'd heard, and no matter how horrible I felt, a part of me still felt glad that he knew some of the suffering I'd endured.

"Ali..." He murmured.

"No, Em...Just, no." I said and then turned to leave, I always walked straight into Rosalie who was about to walk in the room the moment I flung the door open.

"Emmett McCarty, you aren't going anywhere..." I heard Rosalie say quite sternly as I walked away, glad she wouldn't let him hurt himself so I was free to go.

I didn't know where I was going, I just walked. I was stopped by one of Emmett's nurses who asked if I was okay, but I pulled away from her without answering and tried to get away again. I felt as though I was in the way as I dodged everyone walking down the crowded corridor and decided to slip into one of the rooms so I could both be alone and stay out of the way.

I ducked straight into the first room I came across that I thought was empty, and let myself slide down the back of the door, burying my head in my hands. It was just all too much for me to take in, my system had exhausted itself with the emotions in the past months, and this new onslaught had me working over-time.

When I lifted my head not needing any more of my clothes stained with my tears I gasped and leapt to my feet, only to put my hand on my heart, that I hadn't in fact made a fool of myself by having a breakdown in front of someone. Mind, whoever was in the bed behind the drawn curtain probably would have heard me anyhow, especially now.

I don't know where my courage came from, as I usually would have just bolted in the hope not to chance making a spectacle of myself in this state. Step by step I got closer to the curtain and then took a quick peak.

My heartbeat instantly started to accelerate and my breath whooshed from me as I looked at who was lying on the hospital bed. He was by far the most gorgeous person I'd ever laid eyes on. And, though, I knew I'd never seen him before in my life, because believe me I would not have let him go, he still seemed familiar. It was and odd sensation that had little butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. I felt like I was drawn to him, and not only in the sense that my feet were carrying me to his bed. I let myself fall into the chair beside the bed and let my eyes roam over his wonderful face.

Gorgeous was the only word that would come to mind trying to describe his beauty. I felt myself wanting to run my fingers through his short yet tantalizing golden locks, and though they were closed right now, I could only imagine that his eyes would be striking and could easily hold my own gaze and would light up when he laughed. This thought had my eyes wandering to his lips and I tried to imagine how he'd sound and how they'd mould around his words as he spoke.

Even though I thought I probably shouldn't be in here, or maybe I was going to get caught by someone, my eyes stayed on him, and I found myself glued in the chair by his side.

I didn't want to leave.

It felt right being with him.

* * *

I walked back into Emmett's room to see he was fast asleep, however it wasn't bothering me, now he wasn't perfectly still and silent as had scared me when I'd first got here. He was snoring gently, and though it wasn't his usual rumble, I was sure it was something. I sat down in the chair in the corner of the room and picked up one of the magazines I'd got earlier.

"Still asleep, then?" Rosalie said as she walked into the room. I gave her a smile and a nod, I don't know why as one look at Emmett was enough to confirm that, mind, I'd never truly seen the point of rhetorical questions, though I seemed to be well acquainted with them lately. She checked on Emmett's drip and took his blood pressure though he didn't even stir which almost made me laugh, I wanted him up and being his usual chatty self yet I was glad he was getting some rest, seen as I knew he needed right now.

"Don't you ever get lonely? Surrounded by people who don't converse back? Or are asleep half the day and awake half the night, like Em?" I asked absentmindedly and then looked up wondering if maybe I'd offended her with her lack of instant response. However, she didn't look taken aback just thoughtful.

"No." She answered. "Actually, I really don't. That's one of the things I like about my job, there's always someone willing to talk whether it be a patient, staff or a family member, this place is never empty. But then, sometimes I guess it is nice to be able to have a bit of calm after some of the hectic times, the crazy patients and hysterical families. It's a good balance, and I honestly can't think of anything else I'd want to be doing." She said pensively.

"See, when I was nine my mom died, and it was then that I decided to be a doctor, I thought that by becoming one, I could do some good by helping to save lives and also to save children from having t go through what I'd had to. Because her illness was cancer, she was ill for a long time, and so was in and out of hospital for a good few years as the cancer wouldn't leave, and so I spent a lot of time at the hospital too."

"I came to notice that we saw a lot less of the doctors than we did of the nurses. Like mum to the hospital, there was always a nurse in and out. We got to know a few of them really well, and I liked the relationship they had with the patients; it was a lot more personal. At the time I didn't really have much respect for the doctors themselves, they only ever seemed to come every now and again, checked mum and then seemed too busy to stay and chat like the nurses did or explain all the medical terms and what not. Of course I've gained a hell of a lot of respect for them now, but Is still thin it's us nurses that keep the place going, without the nurses, all the doctors would be stressed and grumpy instead of just a few of them.

When my mom actually died, it was the nurses I felt I wanted to thank, they'd been the ones I'd been relying on, the ones who I thought would have saved mom if they could have."

I felt like getting up and giving her a hug but it seems Emmett beat me to the comforting as Rose jumped when he took her hand and lightly kissed it.

"Must have been awful watching her die." Emmett sighed. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Thank you." She said sincerely. "Yes it was awful, but I've had a lot of time since then, and it's got a lot easier to deal with it, especially now I know I'm helping prevent the same thing happening to others."

"Yeah, I know, my mom died of cancer, too." He admitted and Rose seemed to look a little confused.

"I thought your parents died in a car crash? Gosh, I think I'm loosing my mind." She muttered. Em and I both let out a laugh and I made my way to sit on the other side of Emmett.

"My parents did die in a car crash, and Emmett's mom died of cancer." I told her.

"So you're not...?"

"Brother and sister?" She nodded. "In every way except blood." He smiled as his arms encircled me and I nuzzled into his side. Emmet held his other arm open and raised his eyebrow at Rose. She smirked but shook her head.

"I actually do have work to be doing. I shouldn't really be telling my patient and his sister my life story while I'm on duty." She said, looking a little embarrassed as she stood up.

"Well how about you come back when your shift ends and we can continue the conversation?" He suggested. "I mean, it's not as if I'm going anywhere." He added under his breath. Rose raised her eyebrow obviously having heard.

"Who's the patient and who is the person medically trained to know what's best for said patient Mr. McCarty?" She asked, hands on hip and an expectant expression on her face.

"Believe me, Rose, you make a far sexier nurse than me any time." He said with a wink. She playfully shook her head and then left with a little wave.

"You do know you're in hospital and not on a date, right?" I joked.

"What? She's hot." He admitted unashamedly with a shrug, causing me to shake my head at him, too.

"You'll never change, will you?"

"That a bad thing?"

"Course not, you wouldn't be the Emmett I love if you changed."

"Love you, too, lil sis." He smiled and placed a kiss in my hair. "You know, I'm sorry for earlier. I honestly don't think of you as a slut, Ali, I just haven't been doing as much joking lately, you know, it just felt nice being with you, it was only meant as a joke, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know, Emmett, I understand. I know you've had to endure hell, and nothing I've e had to go through compares, but it still hasn't been easy."

"And I understand that, Alice. I've hated every moment away from you, it's like I can't completely explain my reasons, but I felt as if I needed to do it, to join the army I mean...It was like I was drawn to doing it..."

"Well what about what happened? I mean why you're here?" I asked hesitantly, I could tell I was treading on egg-shells by just bringing the subject up. Em was a proud person and if he had something he wanted to share, everyone knew about it; like joining the army for example. Of course, he told me first, but within a matter of days everyone was congratulating him, and boy was he loving it. But, he hadn't once brought this up, even when one of the nurses had told him he should be proud of his battle scar for the good he'd done getting it. But, I could tell by the look on his face that he thought differently, and so I'd kept quiet.

"It's okay, Em, we don't have to talk about it" I said as he froze up when I asked.

"But, that's just it, Ali, I want to be able to, I just...can't." He murmured, looking away in shame. I tilted his head back towards me and cuddled into him.

"Em, shhh, it's fine, you know you don't have to explain yourself to me."

"Thank you, Ali, and I know we've never had secrets, and I don't wanna change that, I'll tell you just give me time, okay?" I nodded.

"Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere." He sighed happily and settled his head on top of mine.

As Emmett's breathing started to even out I couldn't help my mind wandering back to that gorgeous man. It was as if he was consuming a big part of my mind and it was confusing me. Yet, right now, while I was sat here with Emmett next to me, knowing he was totally fine and himself, I couldn't truly be all that worried about him. Instead I found I was worrying about that man.

I hadn't really thought about why he was at the hospital while I was in his room, I'd been too mesmerized by his beauty and any other thoughts seemed to be irrelevant. But, now that I felt more coherent, I was starting to wonder why he was here. Before, I realized what I was thinking, I'd already carefully moved away from Emmett and gently closed his door behind me.

I was just as curious as I was worried.

I walked into his room with a slight smile as I once again saw him. He was exactly as I'd left him earlier, I only hoped his injuries weren't too bad, and that he'd wake up soon, or more so that he would wake up soon and would be joking within a few hours with someone who loved him.

I checked no-one was coming and flipped his chart open. Though I was far from being any sort of medical person, I'd seen enough medical programmes and was intelligent enough, that my heart sank as I read over the chart, and my breath got stuck in my throat I read the word coma. I gulped and looked up at him, as if willing for him to suddenly wake up in a moment of wonderful madness. Yet, I sighed as I set his chart back and went to sit next to his bed.

Jasper. His name was Jasper. A bit old fashioned, but it seemed to suit him. Jasper Whitlock. Again, that name seemed to set off a bell in my mind, but I couldn't put two and two together and come up with an answer, let alone come up with four. I felt sorry for him and felt sad that he was alone, though, I guess he could have dozens of friends and family here, maybe they were all just...getting coffee? I sighed again at the thought that maybe he felt alone too, who knows what was going through his mind in this state.

I jumped right out of the chair as the door swung open.

"Sorry, dear, didn't mean to startle you." A Hispanic nurse smiled as she came in and checked over Jasper's chart.

"I'm sorry..." I stammered out, "I shouldn't... I mean...I'll...go..."

"Oh, no dear, don't be silly. It's nice for him to have someone else here who's looking out for him. You sit your pretty self back down and see if you can get him to open those eyes of his, just talk to him like he's awake, it'll help." With that she left as quickly as she'd come, but, still I watched the door for a few moments before sitting back down.

See if I can get him to open his eyes....talk to him. I did want him to open his eyes, and I did want him to wake up but as I opened my mouth I felt silly and nothing came out. I know I'd done this with Em; talked to him while he wasn't awake. But that felt different. He was my brother, I'd known him forever and I could never feel uncomfortable with him, beside I'd had many conversations with his while he was asleep, albeit that it was a one-sided conversation, but Emmett sometime needed some stern words, even if I only said them to him when I knew he was sleeping too heavily to even notice I was in the room.

I reached up and gently set my hand next to his bandaged one. Then slowly inched my fingers towards him, as if I was afraid his eyes would suddenly flash open and he'd yank his hand away. However, even when I ended up with my hand laid on top of his, he didn't even flinch. I took a deep breath.

"Erm...hello Jasper...I'm Alice..."

**MC: *jumping up and down* So what'd ya think? What ya think?**

**PT: Give them a chance *giggles***

**MC: Fine...Reviews are better than being Emmett's sexy nurse...maybe...**

**PT: *laughs* Anyway, see you next time. *waves***

**MC + PT: *Walking away daydreaming***


	8. Chapter 8

**PT: Hey y'all *waves* **

**MC: Thank you to everyone that reviewed my last chapter, you guys rock!**

**PT: Jas is back, little bit of male bonding right here...**

**MC: So, we're not doctors, forgive PT if she gets the medical stuff wrong k?**

**PT: Yeah, what she said. See you at the bottom!**

**DISCLAIMER: We don't own these characters, they belong to S. Meyer, we just like to put them in uniforms *giggles***

* * *

"They're going to need to leave that ventilator in Jasper, but we'll work out something to help you communicate." The blonde nurse, who had now introduced herself as Rosalie, said with a smile. "Right now all we need is for you to sleep and get plenty of rest. Today is going to have been hard on your body."

_Well no shit nurse. I feel like I've been to the war and back, oh wait, I have. _

"Emmett is going to be so happy to see you awake, he's been saying what a pussy you are for not waking up sooner." Alice said with a giggle.

_Fucking pussy, you try taking a gun butt to the head. _

_Oh shit. What if...._

"It's alright, Jasper, he's fine, just a broken leg, nothing some physio won't cure." She continued as if she could read my mind; answering the silent questions I asked. "I'll make sure they bring him down here tomorrow so you can see for yourself. I'm sure your mom is gonna want to spend time with you. I'll be back in the morning. Sweet dreams, Soldier."

She squeezed my hand and I blinked at her, hoping she'd take it as a yes, after all there was very little else I could do to answer her. Her soft lips grazed my knuckles as she lifted our clasped hands to her mouth. My mother came rushing into the room, apologising that she'd gone back to get me some fresh clothes and that she was sorry that she'd not been there when I first awoke. To be honest it was all a little overwhelming. My mothers' face clearly in front of mine, her fingers on my head as my eyes blinked and fluttered closed. Sleep took over and I was out for the count, Alices' face the forefront of my mind and dreams.

*****

"Shhhh don't wake him up Em, Rosalie said he needs his rest."

I could hear movement around me, along with the constant annoying beep that had lulled me back to sleep surprisingly when I'd woken at some point during the night or day, I wasn't sure of the exact time, there wasn't a clock visible from where I was lying and my mother was asleep in the chair next to my bed. I didn't have the heart to wake her, not that I could have if I'd of wanted to. What was I meant to do to get her attention when I was pretty sure that I wasn't able to lift myself up off the end without help, I couldn't talk because of the stupid fucking tube down my throat and I wasn't close enough the pick anything up and throw it in her direction.

The drone of the machine they had me hooked up to, yes, the one that had been the bane of my existence not 24 hours previous had helped settle me, I'd counted the beeps, and from what I could remember I'd gotten to 183 before sleep had claimed me again.

"Rest? The boy is used to living on no sleep. Oi Whitlock, wake the fuck up man!" Emmett delightfully put as I felt something poke into my side.

I opened my eyes, seeing the pair of them smirking at me. Emmett sat in the chair that my mother had previously occupied, Alice standing behind him, leaning over the top of him, slapping at the arm he had outstretched. I looked down at what he was poking me with only to see the bottom of his crutch digging into the side of my torso.

_Really Em? A fucking crutch into my side? I'll kick your ass when I'm up._

"Emmett Dale McCarty, if you don't quit it I'll tell Rosalie." Alice said, sounding like a child. I almost expected her to poke her tongue out at me. It was cute though, she'd said it in a singsong tone, but why she'd brought Rosalie into it confused me a little, which turned to frustration because I just really wanted to talk.

"I'm sorry my dumbass brother woke you." She said addressing me, pressing the button on the side of my bed to put me into a sitting position. "He's been going on about coming to see you since I told him you'd woken up last night. I'll leave you guys to catch up."

And as quickly as she'd come she was gone. She stopped at the door and looked over her shoulder, looking at me, then Emmett, chewing on her lip before skipping out of the room.

"You gave me a shock there, Whitlock. Thought I'd lost you, bro." Emmett said dragging his chair closer to me awkwardly, leaning his hand on my bed next to my arm. "But I promised I'd get you home and I did."

His eyes filled with water and he looked away as the drops trickled down his cheek. Wiping his face on his shirt he looked back at me, trying to take the sadness out of his eyes. I knew he hurt, not only physically, but emotionally, I did too, we'd become close and I'd of been devastated had I of lost him.

"So many of our troop have fallen, we're down to the bare minimum out there now." He continued with a shake of his head. "Oh and these, they were on you when they brought you in, I kept hold of them in case they went missing."

He pulled my fathers' dog tag and my mothers' locket which had been attached to my own chain, I presumed, from around his neck. Lifting it up over his head he placed it in my hand, closing my fingers around the cold metal as the pieces fell through my grip. One of my tags was missing.

"She has the other one. Wouldn't let it go, saying that if she let it go it meant you weren't coming back."

My poor mother, why did she have to go through this again? She'd coped when it was my father, yet this time she didn't have anyone to keep her going. I'm pretty sure had I of met my untimely death she'd of followed so after. The thought was too much for me to bear. I closed my eyes as the tears trickled down my cheek, my fist clenching tighter around the chain.

"So my leg," He said looking down at it and tapping the cast with his fist, clearly trying to brighten up the subject a little and cut the atmosphere that had grown so thick with tension you'd of needed a saw to slice it. "Some little piece of shit took liberty to shoot me in the fucking leg as I carried you back towards base. I wasn't giving up though. He went down with more than a bullet to the leg. I then may have kinda dragged you and my sorry excuse for a leg the last part of the way. Sorry for the bruises and damage dude. It was the best I could do."

I tried to smile, but it's fucking hard when you have a piece of plastic shoved down your throat; instead I moved my fingers to squeeze around his hand. Any other situation I'd of felt uncomfortable squeezing some dudes hand but it was all I could do, and come on, he'd saved my life, if I could have hugged the big oaf I would have.

"Turns out bone shatters when it gets pelted with bullets, who knew? " He shrugged. "I had like the most awesome hole going on apparently, but they stitched the bad boy, flew us back here, pinned me and put me in plaster. I've got to have some physiotherapy because I can't walk on it with these at the minute, nerve damage or something, but I'll be back on the line before we know it. "

I admired him; he'd taken a bullet but was willing to be back in the line of fire without a second thought. He was always the most headstrong soldier we had in our troop and it the lesser man they'd of taken it as their call to leave, hoping they'd be discharged for ill health, no, not Emmett, there he was already planning his way to get back.

"They drove us back to base; I refused to get treatment until I knew what was happening with you. They didn't want me to fly back here with you, but I wasn't giving in. You're like family and I wanted to make sure you were ok. They finally gave in and flew us back here. The whole time you were unconscious and all I could think about was your Ma." He said with a shake of the head. "She was in pieces when we got here, but she came by to visit me everyday, bringing me pie to say thank you for bring you home. I wish I had a Ma like yours."

My Ma, I'd yet to actually see much of her, she'd been asleep when I woke, and she wasn't here when I woke again. I was worried about what she was doing with the house back home, and how she was coping if she'd been here everyday. I searched the room with my eyes trying to see if she was outside. More than anything, I wanted her to kiss my head and tell me everything was going to be fine.

"She's just taking a shower and gone to wash some clothes, she only leaves here to go to the bakery at the end of the street or to walk with Alice. She'll be back before you know it." Emmett answered for me. "Do you remember much about what happened?"

When I didn't answer because I really didn't know how to, my face scrunching up as much as possible with frustration, he sat there and laughed at me. Like a full on belly laugh, shaking my bed when his fist pummelled onto the mattress where he was leaning, causing my head to shake a little from the vibrations. Man that shit hurt, my head already felt like I had a mini army fighting in there, throw in the shaking and the blinding pain shot through my eyes causing the white flashes to pass in front of me. Closing my eyes and gritting my teeth around the plastic tube the monitor next to me beeped faster.

"Shit. Doctor, Nurse." Emmett called, scrambling up to hit the alarm button above me I presume.

"Jasper, honey, calm down for me." Rosalie reassured for me, smoothing a cool damp cloth across my forehead. "It's alright. Is it your head, it's hurting? Squeeze my hand if I'm right."

Her cool soft hand slipped onto mine and I squeezed it as well as I could, she let go of my hand and reached for a button on a pad that was attached to another machine to my left and pressed it.

"It's some morphine, Honey; give it a couple of minutes and it'll help. Emmett, seriously, what just happened there? What brought it on? I need to know."

"I'm not sure, one minute he was fine, I asked him a question and he didn't answer, then I realised I was waiting for him to talk, but of course he can't so I may have laughed a little, or a lot, y'know." He shrugged.

"Loud noises shouldn't affect him like that." She said talking to herself. "Although, maybe they do...."

"I may have been leaning on the bed."

"Did you rock the bed around? Emmett McCarty, he has a head injury, you can't be shaking him around like that you fool." She said slapping his arm. "You can do him seriously damage if you're not careful. Do you want him to go back into a coma?"

I'm not sure what was more amusing, a grown man getting a mouthful from this woman that had given me the drugs to stop the war in my head or the fact that they were, yet again, talking about me like I wasn't in the fucking room. This shit was getting old. I reached up to the apparatus in my mouth, it needed to go, and they were taking far too long getting it out. I was pretty sure I'd be able to breathe on my own, just give me one of those frigging air things that pump air up your nose.

How do they take these things out? Do they just pull them and hope for the best? Or is there some special way of doing it?

_Guess I'm just about to find out._

Giving it a hard tug, well, as hard as I could when you have the energy of a fucking half dead fly, I pulled at the cord. It made me gag like I had something stuck and it was making me choke; I grasped at the sheets around me as everything went in slow motion. I heard Rosalie screaming no and saw her slam her hand onto the alarm button and Emmett looking like I was a crazy man. I could feel my chest getting tighter, the way my lungs felt like they were the size of quarters and how the pain in my head intensified by my movements, which now included what felt like some form of fit as I tried desperately to breath.

A doctor came running into my room as Emmett moved himself out of the way; Rosalie was trying to attach an oxygen tube up my nose and telling me to calm down as I basically had a panic attack at my own stupidity. The doctor spoke calmly to me, telling me that he needed me to cough so they could take it out without me causing any lasting damage. I did as he asked and coughed as the smooth tube slid free from my throat. It burnt, and it made me want to cough a little more. Rosalie held a glass of water to my lips, telling me to sip through the straw. I did as I was told, only to cringe at the pain it caused as the cool wet fluid slipped down my sore, scratchy throat.

The doctor checked some of my vitals, filled in the chart at the end of my bed, tutted and mumbled under his breath about how patients never let them do their jobs. Seriously, like give a dude a break, I wanted to talk, it wasn't all that much to ask for was it? He finished by flashing a light into my eyes and telling me to try and get some rest and not to talk too much.

_Erm main reason I took the bloody thing out was to talk._

"You do realise that you could have caused permanent damage by doing that don't you, Son?" The doctor chastised me. "There are procedures to doing this kind of thing."

I gave him a bleak smile in return, not wanting to apologise because I truly didn't think I was in the wrong, but not wanting to frustrate the man that had helped keep me alive on my return.

"We'll have to keep an eye on you, more so now than before." He grumbled, "I'll be back to check on you later. Don't go removing other equipment please Lieutenant Whitlock."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. There was nothing else for me to remove; just the monitor thing that was inanely beeping still, and there was no way I was pulling those little sticky pads from my chest any time soon. Guaranteed they'd be stuck to the little bit of hair I had scattered across my chest, and I'm no fan of self inflicted waxing.

Rosalie fluffed the pillows behind my back, pulled the comforter up over my legs where I'd kicked it off during my panic and told me to sip at the water when I felt ready. As she walked out of the room she gave Em a pointed look and told him to take it easy on me. Girl had him by the balls and it was hilarious to watch.

"So, let's try this again huh? Do you remember what happened?" Emmett asked once I'd settled and looked in his direction.

"Not much, just the kid coming towards me, me pulling my gun back to shoot, you were calling my name and the weight of him against me. Oh, and the motherfucking pain against the side of my head." I said hoarsely.

It hurt just to say those few words, why had I been in such a rush to take that pipe out again?

"Well I took him down in one shot." He said proudly, though I knew through his courage he'd never want to kill another man, sometimes it was just the necessary evil on the battlefield. "It was my fault he fell onto you like he did, but there was no way I could have stopped him using the butt of that gun. I'm sorry I couldn't get there quicker."

"McCarty, you saved my life, regardless of how, it's down to you that I'm here."

"No one was taking you away from your Ma. I made you a promise and I wasn't breaking it." His voice broke a little and it was then that I realised that he'd truly been scared of losing me.

"Thanks man. I owe you my life." I whispered.

"No biggie, Bro. It's what we do right? You'd of done the same for me." He shrugged it off like it wasn't something important.

He was right. I would have done the same for him, I'd of dragged him miles to the nearest medic if I needed to, in fact, I'm willing to put money on the fact that I'd of taken a bullet for him just the way he had for me.

"Your leg, you'll be able to go back?"

"They seem to think so. As long as the physio works out I'll be fine." He said looking over his shoulder to see if anyone was around. "But Jas, I'm not sure if I want to go back."

"But earlier you said that you were ready to get back out on the line."

"It was all big man talk. Have you not seen her? She breaks my balls, Man, she keeps me on my toes and I'm besotted. I don't want to go back to Jacksonville, let alone back to fight. She's the first person in my life that has given me something to look forward too. Don't get me wrong, Alice was always my main concern, and always will be for that fact, but now, I have someone to be a better man for."

"You and Rosalie hey?"

"Not yet, but I'm working my charm on her. She said she's not at liberty to date a patient. I asked what happens when I'm no longer a patient. She said I'd have to wait and see."

"Em, have you ever not got a girl you wanted?"

"We'll see, she's older than me. I'm not sure how she sees me, but regardless, I'm not giving up. I want her more than I want to live."

"What about Alice?"

"What about her?"

"She's ok with you chasing after a nurse?"

"She's more than ok with it. She's grown up a lot whilst I've been away, more than I care to admit if I'm honest. She's hoping that there's someone else to take care of her now..." He said looking away. "I just hope he doesn't break her heart because he's too blind to see what's in front of him."

I went to answer his question, wanting to know more about the girl he held so dearly to his heart and about the new girl in his life, but my train of thought was broken as I saw my mom hugging Alice outside my room. She looked so at ease around Ma, like they'd really got to know each other and I smiled. Emmett caught my eye line and followed it, he too smiling at the scene of Ma and Alice in their embrace.

"She's a good kid."

"I hope to find out for myself some time." I whispered with a nod, ignoring the pain that shoot through my head, because it was true, I really did want to get to know the girl that had brought me back from the brink just with her voice.

* * *

**PT: So, watcha think? Let us know maybe?**

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**PT: Guess we'll wait to hear from y'all... *waves* byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee**

**MC: See ya next week *skips off into the sunset***


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys**

**Firstly sorry if you got your hopes up about this being a chapter, unfortunately that's not the case.**

**We're really sorry it's been a while (xMissCullenx especially seen as it was my chapter that was supposed to be up sooo long ago.)**

**We haven't forgotten about FFTL nor are we giving up on it. We just have a load of stuff going on in RL that are doing their best to get in the way of everything. So for now we've decided we're not going by any sorta time scale. We don't think it's fair to you guys or on ourselves, ending up stressing and what not.**

**FFTL is still going on but for now the chapters are going to go up when we can. We're both kinda perfectionists and always think the worst of our work even if everyone else says it's great, which means we're not comfortable posting until we're happy.**

**We hope you can all forgive and stick with us and FFLT, neither of us want to give up, we're just not all that sure how it's going to be.**

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**Pixie-Tinks83 & xMissCullenx**

**xxx**


	10. Chapter 10

**MC: Well hello there everyone! Again, sorry it's been a while (longer than I wanted) but here we are the next installement **

**PT: Yep, Miss Alice is having her say.**

**MC: *Nods* I hope you enjoy, and that it's at least a little worth the wait.**

**PT: Thank you for all the lovely reviews and messages we had from all you guys. **

**MC: We haven't forgotten about you, so it's nice to know you're willing to be patient.**

**DISCLAIMER: So as usual we don't own any of The Twilight Saga, we just use Ms. Meyer's wonderful characters and have a play.**

The morning everything changed I was sitting in the hospital cafe, sipping my tea. Rosalie was sat opposite me, warming her hands with her coffee just having got into work and she said she 'needed a caffeine fix before facing the mess war had created for her today. I couldn't blame her, I don't think I have it in me to face so much pain and all the horrific things she saw daily.

After we'd finished our drinks, she left to change and get to work leaving me to my own thoughts. I knew it was too early for Emmett to be up yet, way too early, so I was happy to get a hot chocolate and just let the minutes go by for a little while.

I was sat staring aimlessly out the window, my thoughts floating aimlessly around, going this way and that when Rosalie came rushing into the cafeteria.

"Alice...he's...he needs to calm down." She said, her voice and eyes both pleading. I immediately jumped up forgetting about my still full hot chocolate and quickly followed her down the hall and into his room.

Without hesitation I hurried straight to the side of his bed and put my palm to his cheek, stroking his soft skin.

"Hey soldier. I'm here. No need to panic." I soothed him. "Gonna calm down for me huh?" I looked at the heart monitor to see it hadn't changed all that much. I took a deep breath and then ignoring the others in the room I sat down next to him and set his hand in both of mine now in my lap.

"You need to relax for me because Em is gonna freak out if I go back and tell him you're getting worked up in here. Don't make me get the porter to wheel him down here to beat on your ass." I told him, my voice holding a little sternness but I said it with a laugh at the thought, especially knowing that's exactly what Emmett would do, after he'd try and hop here himself that is.

I was glad to see that the monitor told me his heart rate had slowed as he calmed down some.

The bed dipped a little as further as I edged closer to him and pulled his arm around me, just as I'd found myself doing lately, and still kept a firm hold of his other hand.

"We'll leave you alone for a little; I'm just going to get some tea." Mrs Whitlock said and then shuffled from the room, but not before I felt a blush colouring my cheeks, remembering I wasn't alone with Jasper as I'd been whenever I'd lay like this with him before.

I set the thought aside as Jasper's heart monitor told me he was now completely calm, and my insides did a little flip at the thought that he'd calmed due to me. Now that his mom had left, I laid my head on his chest, taking a deep breath of his glorious smell and revelled in it for a moment as I wished that Jasper would wrap his other arm around me and just hold me.

"Please Jazz, come back to your Momma, she's so sad without you." I murmured. "I know you can hear me, please give me a sign that you're still in there." Despite what I was saying, I didn't really hold all that much hope of it actually happening, at least not right then. It was the kind of thing I'd often asked of him, but it had never happened, before, so who's to say it would this time?

Suddenly I leapt off the bed.

"Jazz, you just moved your finger!" To be honest it was more a twitch, but it was still something. "You really can hear me." I breathed taking a step back towards him, looking down at our joined hands expectantly.

The beeping of the heart monitor went back up again causing my smile to fade.

"Rosalie. Rosalie! Get in here. PLEASE." I panicked and shouted for her, knowing she wouldn't be far

"He moved his finger. I swear he moved his finger." I told them as Rosalie and Jasper's doctor; Aro returned to the room, half of me was very excited and the other a little worried that he'd got worked up, again.

"Jasper? I know you can hear us. Can you do it again for me?" The Doctor asked.

"Jazz, please." I pleaded "Do it for me? Do it for Momma Whitlock?" I kept looking from his face back to his fingers. Nothing. "Give me his hand. Move." I said to the doctor, perhaps a little harshly as I took Jasper's hand back in mine; where it belonged. I grinned and looked happily at the doctor and Rosalie as Jasper moved his finger again, me watching it, too, this time.

"This is all a good sign, he'll be back with you before you know it." Dr. Aro said with a genuine smile. Oh.

"We're not together, Doctor, I'm just a friend of a friend." I told him and couldn't help the sadness that seemed to permeate my words.

"Well, whatever you're doing, keep it up; you seem to be the only one he responds to according to these notes." He returned.

"Of course." I re-assured him as that little fluttery feeling returned at that thought.

"I'll just go get Mrs Whitlock. I'll be back." Rosalie said, heading out of the room after she gave my arm an encouraging squeeze.

"I'm so proud of you Jazz. I just need you to open those eyes." I said to him, my voice soft. "Your ma tells me you have the most beautiful eyes in the world but I want to see for myself."

I felt as if I was almost pleading with him as I squeezed his hand again, still keeping it locked in mine. I just looked at him, gathering all the hope I had inside of me and tried to will his eyes open. I let out a heavy sigh.

"Jazz your awake, OHMIGOD, OH MY GOD!" I practically screamed as he did just that. "ROSALIE HE'S AWAKE, HE'S AWAKE. SOMEONE GET IN HERE!" I then screamed as I watched his eyes flutter open, blinking rapidly, probably because of the bright hospital lights. And though I could hear the flurry of activity as everyone crowded in, there was only one thing I could focus on and that was his face.

I couldn't help the smile from showing so blatantly, but right then, I didn't care how goofy or stupid I looked, because, right then, Jasper was awake.

"Welcome home solider. You've kept me waiting a long time." I smiled and gave a little giggle mixed with a sob as the tears flowed from my eyes.

As I went to step aside to let Dr. Aro see to Jasper once a few moments had passed I giggled again as Jasper feebly held onto my hand as I'd been holding his. Nodding my head in understanding I just made my way around the bed and to his other side so the doctor could get to Jasper and the machines, and took his other hand.

Jasper's beautiful eyes followed me as I moved and I couldn't help but smile at him. As Dr Aro continued to check over him I couldn't take my eyes away, I could hear everyone talking and things going on, but my eyes were solely focused on his gorgeous face and beautiful bright azul eyes that reminded me of the ocean on the most sunny of days.

"Erm, are you comfortable?" I asked him, not exactly sure of what it is I should be saying.

He gave a little nod f his head in answer and then as if he understood my nervousness he gently squeezed my hand and gave a little smile. I smiled back, I felt like I had to. He was finally awake and smiling, I couldn't not smile.

I sat there silently for a little while and had to avert my eyes to my hands in my lap as a little blush came to my cheeks under his gaze.

"You know until now, I was sure if my visits to you been all that... successful or well to be honest were much of anything at all." During my first visit I'd basically said hello, told him my name and then there was a considerable amount of umming and ahhing as I fumbled for something more to say. I'd ended up staring at him, drinking in his beautiful features for a god half an hour, before I'd gone back to my brother with a sigh, my mind filled with thoughts of one Jasper Whitlock.

The next day I found myself wandering down the corridor, not really thinking about where I was going and yet at the same time I knew exactly where I wanted to be. Just as I crossed to the other side of the corridor a nurse walked out of his room and I took a quick detour, in the process knocking into a nurse who was had her arms full of patient notes and folders.

"Oh God, I'm sorry!" I apologized as I immediately knelt down and gathered up the files.

"No problem, deary." She smiled. It was the same nurse that had caught me in Jasper's room before. "Haven't seen you visiting Jasper since last time." She commented, I just her a weak smile. "I know it's hard to see them like that, but you just have to try and be yourself. I bet he loves hearing a familiar voice, it does help, you know."

A familiar voice, I wish. If only I could have met Jasper some time earlier. If he hadn't gone to war like Em had, if he hadn't been injured. If we only met under better circumstances. I wished.

I sat beside him for hours at a time while Emmett slept and carried on wishing. Wishing I'd known him before. Wishing he'd wake up. Wishing that he'd be okay. I wanted to see his eyes. His smile. Hear his voice. Hear his laugh. Hear him say my name, wondering if it would slip off his tongue as easily as Jasper's did mine, like velvet passing over my lips. It felt so natural saying his name, both in my head and eventually out loud as I found myself becoming more and more comfortable in his presence.

Though I'd never want it, it was a calming thing that I was the one doing the conversing. It made me feel as though I could get everything off my chest, and it was as if he was listening. Listening so intently, and that was nice. I imagined he'd be a good listener anyway, I could see him as a patient person, especially with me. And, I often found certain scenarios playing out inn my head, how he'd react to certain situations, as time went on my thoughts evolved and the scenarios became more dense. Though, I tried not to, it seemed as if I'd created my own Jasper in my head, in my own little world he was the perfect guy. And at a certain point, despite me not being able to pinpoint at what exact time that was, my feelings for Jasper changed into something that I knew I couldn't deny any longer.

I wasn't afraid of going to see him anymore. However, I did try and time it around Rosalie and especially Emmett. I just didn't want him thinking he was second best, or that I didn't worry about him anymore just because I knew he was going to be fine. I just felt that my connection with Jasper was something I couldn't quite explain, or rather something I'd end up degrading if I tried to articulate it. It was just something unexplainable that had a warm fuzzy feeling rippling across me whenever I gave it even a second's thought.

I tried to see him as often as possible, so, whenever I saw Em was drifting off, I'd be gone, making sure that Rose didn't see me, and I'd always try and be back before Em woke up, though I often told him I'd just been for a walk, which in itself wasn't entirely untrue. And by now, I knew Rosalie's routine, her work schedule and it seemed Emmett had one of his own, too. Though in his usual self he was always lively and cheerful, I knew that not only his injury but also the stuff he'd had to endure in the last few months had taken their toll, and I was happy he was getting this chance to rest and recuperate. And, it seemed that Rose was spending a lot more time with Em, even when she wasn't working.

The first time she'd come to say goodbye to Em, she almost gave him a heart attack. She said she was going out, but I secretly wondered if her appearance was merely for Emmett's sake, or rather that she'd come to say goodbye after she'd glammed up rather than before as usual.

Her hair was usually pulled back in some shape or form, where as then it was in beautiful loose curls flowing around her face and cascading around her shoulder. She'd applied more make-up than usual, and I had to comment her, she looked even more gorgeous than usual. Instead of her nurses outfit and black pumps she had on black skinny jeans that made her tones legs seem endless and a red violet top that hugged her showing off her figure and showed off the curves that only made her look all the more feminine. Her heels screamed sexiness and only added to the effect, and in all she looked amazing. I was certain Em had stopped breathing the moment she appeared in the doorway, and had both Rosalie and I giggling like little girls as he stumbled over something to say. She blew a kiss biting her lip and left in a hurricane of golden curls and sexiness. Em had surely died. As he regained his breathing he just turned to me and his expression said it all. I might feel something hidden for Jasper, but it was plain obvious that Em as falling for Rose. And fast.

"Morning, Jasper." I said as I skipped into his room, I could never conceal the smile that automatically came when I was with him or even thinking about him, and his name still sounded so right when I said it. "Sorry I'm a bit later today." I told him as I sat n the end of his bed, folding one of my legs underneath me and letting the other hang off the edge. "Rose and I had coffee and a morning catch-up. She's gone straight to see Em, so I came straight to see you, lucky huh?" I giggled.

I let the silence wash over me as I stood up and walked closer to him. I ran my hands through his hair, he was slowly getting gorgeous golden locks, a little unruly, but so hansom, especially on him. I'd always thought curls would look a little...well girlie on a guy, but certainly not on him, nor on Emmett for that matter, but it wasn't as if he let his hair grow that much very often anyway.

I gently placed a kiss on Jasper's forehead, breathing in his tantalizing scent at the same time and then sat in my new permanent spot in the chair beside his bed.

"Guess today's not the day, huh?" I asked, referring to him waking up. I rarely took my eyes off him when I was talking these days, one of the nurses had my hopes up saying that his stats had changed a little and she thought maybe it was because of me. I hoped so. And I now kept my eyes on him the whole time, ensuring I wouldn't miss a single thing.

And though I'd been coming here as often as I could, and thought I felt a little guilty for feeling like this, I was always disheartened when I left. Feeling like a bit of a failure. Every time I left, it was with a sigh and a longing glance back at the man my heart was doing odd little things for. I knew I'd be back to try again, but I was thinking my constant babbling on about some form of crap or another was doing two things, one was probably doing his head in, providing he could hear me of course. And the second was that my heart fell because I so wanted him to wake up, but more than that the selfish part of me wanted to be the one that had Jasper opening his eyes.

"You know, I think I've spent as much time with you as I have with my brother these past few days. Whenever he goes to sleep, which is a hell of a lot-" I said, letting out a little giggle and looked up to see his eyes were smiling back at me. "I come here." I looked down again not sure if he should know just how infatuated I'd found myself with him.

It was a bit emotional seeing Emmett and Jasper together, especially it being the first time they'd seen each other since the war, and not really knowing what had happened to each other. Em of course went a little overboard and had to go and wake up Jazz, but that was just his way, and so I can't say it wasn't expected. After he'd woken up, I left them to it. I knew they both had some demons inside them because of what they'd been through, and no matter how much Emmett wanted to tell me what had happened, but couldn't, I knew it would be good for the two of them to talk, seen as they'd been through it together.

After I'd left them to talk I headed outside, again my head was a little crowded, and so a nice walk in the open air would be good, even if it was drizzling a little today. I basically walked in a wide circle around the hospital, just letting all my thoughts mull round and lessen some of the pressure that was causing my headache. It seemed like hours later that I went back inside only to almost bump into Jasper's mom. She really was such a lovely person and I felt sorry for her, more empathetic really because I knew what she was going through in having the only important person in her life in hospital after being away at war. As we reached Jasper's room she gave me a big warm hug and whispered her thanks for getting her baby boy to wake up, I just smiled and tried to hide the gentle blush that had come across me.

I peeked into the room to see Rosalie helping Emmett to his feet and handing him his crutches. Jasper was still awake, but barely, his eyes were trained on his mom and I but they were flickering with tiredness. I gasped as I realized his ventilator was gone.

"The ventilator, right?" Rose asked understandingly, I nodded.

"Yeah, Whitlock had had enough." Em shrugged.

"Idiot went and pulled it out himself, I mean doesn't he know how much damage he could have done?" Rose sighed a little exasperated.

"Hey, Ali can walk me back, Rose, get home, your shift ended ten minutes ago." Emmett said. Rose pursed her lips but when I agreed she huffed but then nodded.

"Yeah, Mr. Flirt here and Jasper trying to do himself more damage equals one shattered nurse." She said, as she reached and let her hair fall around in loose curls around her shoulder as she pulled her clip out.

"Close your mouth, Em, don't wanna be catching any flies." I joked, and then dodged as he tried to swat me with one of his crutches. Rose rolled her eyes, said goodbye and then walked towards their staff room.

"Come on, hop-along, let's get ya back to your room."

"Can't we go somewhere?" He asked.

"Like?"

"I dunno, I've just had enough of staring at these four walls all day." He whined, reminding me of a little boy.

"Em, we're in a hospital, where the hell do you expect us to go?" He shrugged and I shook my head at him.

"Fine, back to the room it is." He huffed, still pouting.

"Just behave, otherwise I'll tell Rose you were naughty." I reprimanded and saw Emmett sigh.

"Yeah, you'll probably just tell her that so she comes to give me a row, in all her hotness so you can sneak off to see your guy."

"Emmy-Bear, you're my guy, you're my big brother." I told him, suddenly needing one of his hugs. He seemed to sense that as he sat on the edge of his bed and pulled me into his lap, being careful of his injured leg. He tightly wrapped his arms around me and just held me.

"And you're always be my girl, little sis."

"Or at least one of them" I added in my head as Rose walked past with a wave on her way out.

"Or at least one of them." He nodded with a chuckle. "But no matter what, Ali-Cat, you'll always be my girl, even if I have like fifty daughter or whatever." He said and I giggled and his attempt at trying to keep a straight face as he said the last part.

"Fifty, poor Rose." I shook my head and then laughed as he tickled my ribs. Once he thought I'd suffered the wrath of his fingers for long enough he got comfy on the bed, lying down and pulled me to his side. And as we lay there, I found myself smiling at how things seemed to be working out, Em was going to fine and would have Rose, no doubt sooner rather than later the way he was going, and now Jasper was awake too. Definitely things to smile at if you ask me.

**MC: Hope you enjoyed that *smiles* I love writing the little bits with Alice and Emmett.**

**PT: Reviews are better than being 'Emmett's girl'**

**MC: Well...No matter what they always make us smile, so please let us know what you think if you get a minute. **

**PT: *nods* Also, just to let you know, we're still not sticking to a specific time schedule, so updates will be whenever we can.**


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